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In relationship for 2 years confused with feelings for "ex"

(8 Posts)
mischadee Tue 07-Feb-17 03:08:36

This is going to be super long and probably won't make sense but i need to just get it out.
I know I'm going to sound like a terrible, ungrateful witch of a woman, but I need to tell someone and I don't have many friends to talk to.

I've been with my partner for a little over 2 years, we have a 1 year old daughter, live together, he works 5/6 days a week and I stay home with the baby.
Over the past few months we have had quite a lot of added stress and it feels like all affection from him has stopped.
I try to be nice to him and i get snapped at, i can't remember the last time i had a compliment or a thank you for doing anything.
I feel useless a lot of the time and I've gotten to the point I can't sleep at night, don't have the motivation to do anything in the day, i feel lonely even if i see or speak to friends or family.

(Now the sort of ex bit?)
Before I got with my current partner I was seeing a guy quite casually, but it started to get more full on after a few months, at about 6 months in he started hanging around more and showing little signs of affection. But then i met my partner.
I stopped 'seeing' this man 2 weeks before i got with my current partner blush.
There wasn't an ending to the 'relationship' apart from the fact that I got with my partner. At the time I didn't see any problem with it, it was casual.
So i started seeing my partner and 2 months later found out I was pregnant, unsure of dates because i didn't have periods often I started to panic. The scan dates showed that the only possibility is my baby is my partner's.
11 months after I had the baby i messaged my "ex" to clear the air and to let him know that my baby is not his despite any rumours he may have heard from mutual 'friends', he said he had no idea I had a baby blah blah blah, so i left it.
Recently we started talking again (from a new years message sent to all contacts) and since then we haven't really stopped talking, he says how hes happy and has a girlfriend (that hes never met she's from his home country?) But he doesn't seem very happy not how i used to know him.
He has started to flirt but it hasn't been taken on by me.
The problem I have now is that I feel as if the love in my current relationship has vanished and I'm started to care for someone i was seeing 2 years ago.
Stupid right

TheNaze73 Tue 07-Feb-17 07:35:26

I think you need to just slow down. You've only been with your current bloke two years & already have a one year old. You're cheating with him emotionally, which is so wrong. Are you this needy of attention? I think you need to be alone, to assess who you actually are

Redorangeyellow Tue 07-Feb-17 14:08:36

I know it went too quick, baby wasn't planned and had to pick up the rest of life during my pregnancy to try and make it feel normal.
I know it's wrong to feel like that, my partner has said i can talk to him just if it turns sexual to stop.
And the attention im not sure I know what attention off my partner would look like .. i sleep alone every night and see him for a grand total of 1 hour

Happybunny19 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:19:49

How old are you? Sorry but you sound very young and immature. You need to accept that committed relationships take effort to maintain, stresses put strain on things, particularly when you have a child before you get a chance to know each other properly and the honeymoon period ends leaving you to develop a new type of partnership. You weren't together long enough prior to your DC's birth to form a stable partnership, it's perfectly possible that without the pregnancy you wouldn't have remained together. If you're already trying to rekindle things with your ex FWB then you should be honest with your DC's father and end things with him. Don't do this fooling yourself that the ex isn't really happy and will fall into your arms though, you really need to be on your own for a while.

Redorangeyellow Tue 07-Feb-17 14:33:00

I am young yes and been trying to sort things out with my partner for the past year because I have baby but it doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere.
I dont expect him to go running back to me or anything and tbqh I don't want him that's why I'm confused by the feelings I have at the moment.
I want to make things work with my partner but it feels a lot of the time that i try making all the effort to sort us out and he sits there In a mood not wanting to talk or just completely ignores what I'm saying

Redorangeyellow Tue 07-Feb-17 15:02:08

I do love my partner and want to be with him. That's the whole reason why I'm confused as to why i feel this way.

Patchouli666 Tue 07-Feb-17 16:22:00

It's been a whirlwind since you got together and now things are a bit flat, you've got used to each other and he is busy and probably taking you a bit fro granted. You need to concentrate on your most important relationship and not one that wasn't as important back when you got together with your oh. After all, if you'd have preferred him, you wouldn't have left him for your oh would you. Remember that. You had this choice before and you chose your oh. I'd go no contact and block the casual guy and then fully concentrate on your relationship. Your oh deserves more but so do you. Have a serious talk to him. Effort and caring and keeping the relationship together takes two. And just because you are parents doesn't mean you can't still have a great time together...in fact it is more important that you do now as you have a child who will benefit immensely from two happy parents.

Redorangeyellow Tue 07-Feb-17 16:32:17

Thank you i think thats just what i needed to hear

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