So I've been with my bf for 8 years now and we have a 16mth old daughter. Our relationship has had a few 'blips' over the years, in short I've left him twice and ended up going back both times. The main reason I left him before was that we wanted different things from our relationship and from life in general, including that he didn't want kids and I did. Obviously I talked him round on that one.
Hes not the best father, although he has his moments don't get me wrong, and he has her every Sat am so I can work. I wasn't expecting him to be the best father, afterall I knew very well he didn't really want kids. Although I guess I did hope he'd fall in love with her and miraculously become more responsible as a result! It's more how he is with me that bothers me-
He's never been the most attentive bf but lately I feel like he doesn't even like me. I've tried broaching the subject but I don't even get an answer, just a shrug or ignored altogether. We haven't been out just us for over a year, as much as I nagged that I wanted to go out with him for my birthday. We now have the opportunity to go on holiday paid for by his parents, he has said there is no point in going because we wont be able to go out in the evenings because of our daughter. Yet another example of our differences, I was so excited at the prospect of spending quality family time together but he just sees us as an inconvenience.
A while back, His parents offered to babysit so we could go out together and he said he couldn't be bothered but then went out with his mates the next night.
I mentioned again tonight that we should arrange a night out together and he just wasn't interested, I said 'it's almost as if you don't enjoy spending time with me' and he just made some joke about it but when I asked him to be serious he just didn't say anything.
He goes out some weekends without telling me he's going, or where or for how long and then he'll come back drunk at 2am. Twice since having our daughter he's been so drunk that he was sick in the bed.
But it's not just what he's like, it's that he makes me a worse person too. It's so hard to stay motivated living with someone like him, the house needs so much doing to it but I just can't bring myself to get on with things sometimes, I even find myself thinking 'why should I do all the cleaning, cooking etc when he does nothing for me?' Which is of course is ridiculous because it just needs doing and I'm a mother so I should just be getting on with it.
I don't know what to do, I think I should leave but it's hard for so many reasons, partly I don't know how to have that conversation, I also don't have anywhere to go (pretty important that point!) and the most ridiculous reason is that his parents keep giving me a stupid amount of money 😕 and I would feel really guilty about leaving him after they've given so much money! I know that's stupid, I've even tried refusing the money but they insisted. I almost feel as if they are paying me off because they must know what he's like, several friends have also voiced the same suspicion but I'm sure they do it for all their sons partners really.
I have lots of happy memories of our relationship, but if I'm honest I think we were both drunk for most of them and I'm starting to think our entire relationship has been based on the fact that we have a laugh together when we're drinking, I think we're also still physically attracted to each other but there's nothing deeper, and now I've grown out of the 'going out and getting drunk every weekend' phase of my life and it seems that is all his life will ever be, he has no ambition to do anything more with his life.
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11 replies
Lostlottie · 03/02/2017 23:28
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