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Help.. Feel like I have to get rid...porn/lies/anger

(23 Posts)
gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 12:21:13

So in relationships I guess we have our own boundaries and deal breakers..
We'll porn is one.. I feel it ruins intimacy and being 7 months pregnant I don't exactly feel great anyway..

We are supposed to be getting married next year.. We already have a son nearly 1..
So last night I found dirt on his phone again.. He knows how much this upsets me he admitted before he has only watched it when he has been in (bad states)..

Anyway after confronting him about it this morning even though I didn't want to as I knew it would lead to what's happened..
Ended up in a row, he's packed and gone to his mums.. Texting now saying you watch etc.. Blah blah I've blocked him anyway..
But before he left I was in the bathroom he kicked the door in anger and broke the lock..
After being stuck in there for 5 mins he broke the lock, spat at me and left...

Feel I've done nothing wrong and he wonders why I've got so insecure and don't feel attractive at all.. Basically I'm just sick of this , he's very abusive with his mouth and I'm just not happy ..
But how gutted do I feel with one baby from him and another due in May..
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I also live away from my family so help and support in that sense is rare..
Am I wrong to not want to marry him with his behaviour like this.. I already feel gutted as All I do is look after the baby and him and all I wanted was to give him a family, nice home etc..
I'm only 25 but feel so gutted as I've literally gave him my whole life...

Feeling super shit... sad

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 12:24:28

Broke the lock to open it after 5 mins sorry..
He's also so moody, does not help with baby.. Or me.. Haven't had a decent sleep in 9 months as he offers no help. Being this pregnant I can't take it no more.. The baby's have to come first x

Melmelmel687 Sat 28-Jan-17 12:58:00

He's got what he wants porn and mummy to look after him, leave him there. You haven't given your whole life to him you have given it to the kids he's the one who loses out not you.

MissDallas Sat 28-Jan-17 13:05:31

Poor you, that's awful. Can you move closer to your family?

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:07:40

Thank you MelMel , that really makes me feel better ❤️
And your so right..
Running to mummy as per ...

And MissDallas I will be moving back there but it won't be till baby's born or just after .. Xx

TellMeHowToLiveMyLife Sat 28-Jan-17 13:08:47

He spat at you?! Forget the porn, that is fucking disgusting behaviour. If I ever saw dh spit at anyone, let alone me I would LTB.

I'm sorry, he sounds awful. Why did he get angry with you? You did nothing wrong.

Melmelmel687 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:09:27

If you can't move, find local baby and toddler groups I am sure there will be another single mum there so you can support each other

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:12:20

TellMeHowToLiveMyLife exactly that's what I mean.. I think my minds up now

Bluntness100 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:13:40

As much as I personally don't give a shit if a guy watches porn, I would absolutely draw the line at spitting, that's well over the line and simply awful. You need to focus on getting your finances straight and how you will care for you and your children now. You should view this as the end of the relationship, you cannot marry a man who spits at you.😞

BenisPeaker Sat 28-Jan-17 13:24:48

OMG of my DH spat at me I would loose it completely (I would have packed his bags for him!!) that is disgusting and I'm pretty sure it's assault (in the UK) I wouldn't marry someone who has such little respect for me, but you need to consider that for yourself. I am in shock that he would do this at anytime let alone whilst you are heavily pregnant!! They are his children too and he is as much responsible for them as you are leaving all the care to you is not fair my DH pitches in all the time you need a break too!! Try not to get too upset and think of the little angel inside you. Xxflowers

HelsBels5000 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:28:26

Totally agree with PP. I was coming on to say I wouldn't have bothered too much about the porn, but his behaviour is abusive, intimidating and spitting at you is just vile. Tell him he is never welcome in your house again.

TheNaze73 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:31:53

I'm in agreement with others. The spitting is the tipping point for me

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 13:33:37

BenisP & HellsBells
Thank you.. Obviously I love him but I have to love the babies and myself more to not accept that behaviour..
And yes especially being this pregnant you'd think your OH would treat you like Gold not like S**t

Thanks for all the comments it really does help xx

Costacoffeeplease Sat 28-Jan-17 13:38:04

For kicking the door and spitting at you, I'd have called the police

He's actually done you a huge favour by leaving. What's your housing situation, can you change the locks?

tipsytrifle Sat 28-Jan-17 13:43:02

He's an abuser on the road to violence. Smashing the door apart, ffs! Then the rest. When you then said he does sod all about behaving like a decent partner should regarding dc and yourself - that was the nail in the coffin for me. I'd be thinking the wedding is off because he's revealed himself as he really is with this disgusting behaviour. A brute. After his less than veiled threats on the phone, I'd hope you're tearing up all the life-plans you'd made that included him.

Is this likely to be "it" from him or is he going to waltz back in, declare it's all your fault and resume normal service on the porn channels? Who's home is it? Are you at a point where you think this should be ended?

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 28-Jan-17 13:49:11

Will he come back with his tail between his legs OP , or will he come back and smash the door off ?
You need to stay safe.
Do you have someone to confide in, if so, do it now.
Can you not go home sooner.
We will support you Sweet. 💐

girlandboy Sat 28-Jan-17 14:02:33

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have one thing to say. DO NOT MARRY HIM.

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 14:04:04

Sugarpiehoneyeye .. Thank you smile
He probably will come back after a few days but I've took the keys off him, there's also a downstairs door so he can only buzz to which I won't answer..

I guess being pregnant too makes me feel more vulnerable / upset etc than if I wasn't..
Before I blocked him one text said "well I'm sorry for spitting at you but you always have to start"

I'm not buying it, besides he's obv not sorry about anything because apparently it's my fault for looking at his phone..
I'll just concentrate on making DS happy this weekend, I shouldn't let myself feel lonely either with my bundle of joy with me.. But obv it's hard and I'm gutted because I know I can't carry on in that unhealthy relationship..
He does make me feel nervous & scared, he knows it too.. So I guess he's just a good for nothing bully..

My son has a cold so we slept on the sofa together instead of his cot, left the knobhead sleeping in peace in bed till 10.30..
Now this.. I should be in the bed catching up on sleep being so tired and hormones don't help..
(Sorry, clearly feeling sorry for myself now) lol xxx

CrispPacket Sat 28-Jan-17 14:17:34

I think youre more than in your right to be feeling sorry for yourself SugarPie...just dont wallow for too long else youll feel worse but for the next couple of days...feel free to cuddle yourself. Really hope youre okay. No I wouldnt be marrying this guy x

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 28-Jan-17 14:17:57

That's good to know, about the doors, I mean.
Can you get a good friend round, and confide in them ?
Don't keep his dirty secret to yourself, he is an abusive thug.
You will be alright Lovely, life is very draining and miserable, living with someone like him.
Enjoy your little one, and your pregnancy, in peace.🌺

EmilyRosanne Sat 28-Jan-17 15:29:37

I would call the police and report the assault. There probably will not be a lot they can do if it's your word against his but Atleast it is on record and if he were ever to get violent in the future or turn on the children you can prove it wasn't the first time.

Spitting at you just shows how little respect he has for you and that would be it for me, you can't have a man like that around you or the children.

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 17:49:23

SugarPieHoneyEye your the best xx

gosh123 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:07:14

Thank you ChrispPacket star xx

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