Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just dated and feeling anxious

(19 Posts)
LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 11:57:44

Im very worried about this situation, about 2 months ago I was on a language exchange app and met a guy who lives quite nearby. At first we talked on the phone then after that it was by text. We really got into each other and he was the first to confess and wanted to meet. I've recently dated the guy for the first time in my life but it's only been 4 days since we met and I'm starting to feel at edge now he hardly talks to me now.

I feel like he's avoiding me even though he said he had a nice time but through text I can't tell if he meant it or not.

He made me comfortable with his words saying he didn't care about my problems and that he loved me but now I'm feeling uncomfortable, scared and hurt.

I'm always trying to think positive that maybe he is busy but it wasn't like this before.

What should I do? 😣

Happybunny19 Wed 25-Jan-17 12:42:09

Have either of you talked about another date? That would be the best indication that he's still interested. I would be cautious of him declaring his love for you when you've only met once, that's pretty weird IMO. Stop worrying about it though as this will make you appear, and feel, desperate and that's the best way to put someone off.

LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 12:48:42

I have so many questions in my head I really want to make this work
I did say next time I'll come over but he didn't say thing about it
It was a long chat we had that day that I felt something for him but I was confused so he confessed first but wanted to confirm it with a meeting 😶

LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 12:49:49


Bluntness100 Wed 25-Jan-17 12:51:01

Am I reading this wrong, you've had one date and he said he loved you and you told him your problems? 🙄

Happybunny19 Wed 25-Jan-17 12:52:14

Is there any reason why you can't contact him right now and arrange a second date? Don't sit about worrying about it waiting for him to make the next move, take control.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 25-Jan-17 12:53:18

Did he say he loved you before you'd even met? I'm not quite sure from your posts

Madlizzy Wed 25-Jan-17 12:55:39

Take a step back. Someone who declares their love to you this quickly isn't healthy, that would worry me massively.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Jan-17 13:13:11

saying he didn't care about my problems
If he said this then please....
Block - Ignore - Delete

tipsytrifle Wed 25-Jan-17 13:14:36

I think it's way too early to be going to each others' homes. It's also way too early for there to be problem sharing (which is usually full of revelations about emotional and physical health that might be best kept private at such an early stage).

There is a rush towards intimacy here which really has no basis in fact, personal knowledge or experience. There is no relationship to speak of at this point since that requires time.

OP you sound quite naive, unguarded and emotionally very/too open. After one conversation it might have been too soon to meet up. After this meet-up, which presumably is where two people try to size up whether to meet again, it seems like maybe he has cooled off. It happens. You need to let it/him go without feeling wrecked or anxious. That's what I mean when I ask if you're in too vulnerable a space to be dating right now?

LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 17:02:57

Tipsytrifle I feel like I rushed everything because it was my first time ever and no not going into each others homes I met him in town in the public as my doctor advised me to and yes I am very open and unguarded even my cousin said that since I'm over whelmed and don't know how things go sad

Bluntness100 Wed 25-Jan-17 17:05:02

Op, what do you mean your doctor advised you to? Do you have some mental health concerns? This is your first date ever?

LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 17:13:07

To be honest I don't know what dating is or have a clue to what it is. I've been wanting to finding the right guy but now I feel like I'm in a tight spot and I just can't breathe so I've told him I can't do it anymore and he still hasn't looked at the message -- I really like him--

Someone please guide me the right direction? sad

LovelyA Wed 25-Jan-17 17:15:04

Bluntness100 I'm just unknown to the idea of dating sad

tipsytrifle Wed 25-Jan-17 23:32:50

I'm unclear as to what path you're treading here. Was he your first date? First sexual experience? Is that what you are seeking? How did the doctor come to have such input?

My feeling is that whatever this path is - you should back away from it and reject any pressure to "do dating" for whatever reason seems to be driving you. Your direction in life is utterly your own to choose.

You don't know this man well enough to know if you like him at all. He has revealed nothing of his true nature in your minimal contact with him. You met him on a language app? What has this to do with dating?

Please treasure your precious self and step away from this particular path. I feel, on very little knowing of you, that you should not be on it at this time.

tipsytrifle Wed 25-Jan-17 23:37:00

This man has shown his lack of interest in taking this any further. Your attachment to him is that of a newcomer to "the dating scene" not a genuine connection. It sounds harsh but I am relieved that he has left you alone. Please let this go in your heart and mind.

SparklyMagpie Thu 26-Jan-17 17:30:05

I'm quite confused by all of this

But I think you need to back away and just leave it now, sounds like it's not doing either of you any good. You shouldn't be feeling this anxious around it

Sorry op flowers

tattychicken Thu 26-Jan-17 17:34:23

Did you have sex with him? Is English your first language? If you did and if it isn't that's absolutely fine, I'm just struggling to understand your post.

LovelyA Thu 26-Jan-17 22:19:54

We didn't have sex or anything like that but yes I should stop this from getting to the heart and Im thankful for your advice

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now