Very briefly: (a) my mother had a sexual relationship with my first husband - when I eventually plucked up the courage to discuss it, she said it was done to protect me because I obviously couldn't keep him happy and she didn't want to put me through the pain of a divorce; (b) through lies and manipulation, I KNOW, trying to get me to drink alcohol at a family event (I am an alcoholic in recovery - 5 years sober) (c) accusing my current husband (an angel) of hitting her; (d) my father has just died and overtly lying about stuff to do with the will, why it was drawn up giving more money to my brother, saying dad had made a new one just before he died (which hasn't yet turned up)......... well, basically just lying to me so much. I am so confused; I feel like I am losing my sense of reality and what is true and what is not; I am thinking of cutting off contact with her - but feel such guilt.
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You have no reason to feel guilty. She has, but I'm not sure she will, because she is a toxic person. She may have given birth to you, but once the umbilical cord was cut, you became a separate individual with your own life to live.
Do you think she really was trying to protect you when she slept with your exH, or was she simply trying to make excuses to justify what she had done?
You should go NC immediately and walk away from her. She didn't give a shit about you when she slept with your XH, or when she tried to get you to have a drink. Why should you give a shit about her. As it stands, I'm sure you wouldn't put up with that behaviour from a friend, so why put up with it from your mum? Just because she brought you into the world, it doesn't give her carte blanche to treat you as disrespectfully as she has.
Get rid and move on. It'll be tough, but you can and should do it before your MH suffers even more than it does now.
If she rings, tell her not to and ring the police for advice on harassment. Same if she calls at your door. Tell her that you want no more contact from her and ring the police if she doesn't leave. If she sends presents/cards, send them back. Do not let your DC anywhere near her as she'll likely use them to get at you. No-one has to have a relationship with someone toxic............no matter who they are.
Good luck OP 
you can do this.
OP I've nothing as wise or useful to add really, but I want to say that your mother's behaviour is extreme, and I wouldn't judge you for never speaking to her again. Her behaviour is absolutely appalling. This doesn't make you a bad person - it's a sad fact that some people inflict devastating pain on their own children. I have a friend, the only daughter, who had two brothers that the mother overtly favoured. My friend had good school reports torn up, ditto for artwork etc. It seems to be the case that her mother saw her as a threat, and was in competition with her. Could this be the case for you? Either way, IMO you should cut her out, you can't fix someone like that. You deserve better.
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