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Relationships

To give my partner another chance or not

23 replies

LittleMissyMe · 05/01/2017 19:09

I found out my partner of 4.5 years have been in contact with his ex throughout our relationship. I told him 2 months into the relationship (after I caught their flirty text exchanges ) that if I caught him in contact with her again, that we would be over. I caught him a couple more times after the first one but each and everytime he told me I was just being paranoid and that he hasn't heard from her in years. And so pathetically, we carried on with our relationship.

This time though, after finding out that he never even tried to stop their communication, I am struggling to forgive and moreso to forget. He proposed to me on the day that I caught him because he wanted to prove how much he wants to keep me but eventhough I still love him and want to be with him, I just can't seem to move on from the fact that he betrayed my trust and lied to me over and over for the duration of our relationship.

He said his ex treated him like a cash cow and it has been proven that she was only ever after money and presents off him. She is also a nasty person with a real potty mouth who falls out with everyone around her - in fact, he said that you can put her in an empty room and still, somehow, be having an argument - with what or whom, who knows but she is just plain nasty like that.

Me and my partner have had endless discussions and blazing rows over his betrayal and I tried to end the relationship on all occassions but he is not letting me. He says that our relationship deserves another chance and that this time, having come close to losing me, that he will never do anything to hurt me again.

I don't know what to do. Last year when I was pregnant, I realized that while I was suffering from an extremely difficult pregnancy ( I had hyperemesis throughout my pregnancy) and also while dealing with 2 other young children, a house renovation and an unborn child that made me go through a CVS and an amnio and endless scans and hospital appointments right through to labour day, that my partner was spending hours on end talking to his ex. At least one call was made at 6 am and lasted for at least an hour! And all the while, his phone bills showed him calling me here and there for a couple of seconds only at a time.
It hurts me so much that I needed him so badly and there I was doing a lot of paperwork for his business when I was debilitated by hyperemesis, just to help him out because he says he has too much workload, while he was busy making romantic date plans with his ex.

He said he never met up with her and that they never had any sort of physical contact because he was never interested in her in that way. He said the communication between them was only a habit that he simply did not stop regardless of the possible consequences because as he was never romantically interested in her, that he wasn't actually doing anything.

But I hate the fact that he looked me in the eyes countless of times andlied to me over someone who had been on dating sites looking for a sugar daddy but obviously failed hence she kept going back to my partner for attention.

Why would a man put everything on the line (a house, a stable family life, and peace) over something which he calls nothing but plain stupidity, if it were really just nothing but plain stupidity?? And for a woman whose social media accounts depict a woman of luxury when in reality everything she has is either from the benefits system or something she has extorted / scammed from businesses and people around her??

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offside · 05/01/2017 19:13

Do you actually believe the BS he is sprouting you? He can't truly believe she is that much of a nasty piece of work as why would he still be in contact with her? You deserve better and if you don't LTB now he'll only continue as you will have given him the go ahead to behave this way by not following through (on more than one occasion) with your ultimatum at the beginning of your relationship.