Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

12 hours+ to text back... normal?

9 replies

nameychanges · 05/01/2017 17:14

I've only had codependent/abusive relationships in the past so please bear with me.

I've been out with this guy on a couple of dates and they went well. We haven't kissed or been together in a sexual sense, but he seems to enjoy my company, and I enjoy his. There is definitely a spark and he comes over as a nice person.

There are a few things that give me pause, but I'm worried I'm being neurotic because of my past.

Whenever he messages me over Whatsapp or texts me, he seems excited to chat. On new years eve, he sent me a little picture, thanking me for being one of the people who made him smile in 2016. But sometimes he won't view my Whatsapp message or reply for upwards of 12 hours, often as many as 24.

This makes me think that he's not that into me, or has a few irons in the fire, so to speak.

After all, what student could be that busy over Christmas (we're both mature students in our mid 20s)?

When I'm with him, he always has his phone on him, and sometimes will get a message but he just looks at it and doesn't answer. So perhaps it's just his way.

My worry is that he's with somebody else and I'm heading for disaster. But the relationships I've had in the past have been with men who required constant communication. If I didn't reply all the time, they'd assume I was cheating on them. So my normal is potentially skewed.

I've kept my messages light and only reply when he sends me something, and I never "double text".

He mentioned to me over Christmas that his ex had sent him a "weird letter" and he also alluded to the fact he'd seen another woman a few months ago. I don't know if that makes him a bit of a player.

He was the one who initially approached me, got my number, asked me out and so on. I am basically letting him lead, but I definitely like him. I'm just cautious about getting invested if he's not that into me.

So, basically, is it normal to text a person at, say, 1pm, and then not reply to their response for a day or so?

OP posts:

Report

BumDNC · 05/01/2017 17:29

You will get varied responses on this subject.

Personally I hate being beholden to texting sometimes I am busy or don't feel like getting into a back and forth chat.

It's hard as I don't know him and you don't know him well yet but I would say cautious is advisable - it's not yet a 'thing' as you haven't kissed yet? So it's platonic dating at the moment? Maybe he wants to go slowly and isn't sure what he wants either, especially if he's had relationships recently.

Don't over invest. The weird letter could be anything (weird he mentioned it) but he might really be holding back because that's just who he is or what he feels like at the moment.

Maybe don't text at all for the forseeable and let him text you. It's early days to start trying to work him out, although I wouldn't block him out at the moment I also wouldn't be putting all my eggs in his basket.

Slow down and get on with your own life. I think soon enough things show themselves for what they really are - texting stops completely or one party gets less busy and invests more time.

Report

Shayelle · 05/01/2017 17:33

Hes not single

Report

TheNaze73 · 05/01/2017 18:11

Totally normal

Report

grobagsforever · 05/01/2017 18:25

Normal!

Report

VivDeering · 05/01/2017 18:37

My boyfriend is like this, just leaves a text for a day or so. Weird in my opinion but I think it's just his age -to him a phone is just a telephone. It just collects communications until he's ready to look at them. It's not a constantly demanding device to be obeyed always. Like I say, weird.

Report

Vanillasky17 · 05/01/2017 18:59

Normal. I think people who text a lot are a bit desperate and/or lonely. Neither are attractive. Maybe relax a bit?

Report

Vanillasky17 · 05/01/2017 19:01

Or just RTT properly. Mmm...12 hours + to return a text. Not a good indicator that he's particularly keen is it?

Report

feministwithtitsin · 05/01/2017 19:16

I think when most people get a message from someone they really fancy, they reply quickly, because they want to show interest and also because it's exciting.

If he often ignores your messages and replies a long time after you send the message, I would say that either he isn't really interested, or he likes playing games. Both options aren't great imho.

Report

nameychanges · 05/01/2017 19:17

Seems it's hard to win with you, vanilla.

I think the first reply was rather prophetic.