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Feeling a bit sorry for myself

(2 Posts)
AmyZee Mon 02-Jan-17 19:51:22

I was with my XH for 10 years and had our DD now aged 5, we split when DD was 3. I found the relationship difficult as he was quite selfish and was not supportive when DD was born, we agreed I'd be a SAHM although I did work part time in the evening. His job was stressful and he often came home grumpy and then was not happy when I wasn't in the mood for DTD. He also complained I was too needy.
He had an emotional affair with a work colleague and I found out. He ended it and swore that he would focus on our relationship, I tried my best but his efforts just dwindled after a few months and things were not good. I thought that divorce was the only way forward, and he agreed.
Within two months he had a new girlfriend, few years younger, has a fabulous career and lovely house. In time she met my DD and they got on well, I met her and she is lovely.
My ex then moved in with her - very nice house in a lovely area. My DD stays there 3 nights a week and loves it there. My ex and his gf have had lots of child free holidays together and are in a great position financially. He told me she is quite independent and has her own hobbies friends, time with family etc. I am NC/LC with my family and only have 3 close friends who have their own lives.
On New Year's Eve they got engaged and are getting married this year, my DD is flower girl. I asked him if children were on the agenda and he said yes they will be trying as soon as they get married. He said that it won't cause any issues between them as she has lots of friends and family for support and is career focussed so will go back to work and he won't have any financial pressure either.
Since we split up I returned to work full time and love my job although it isn't well paid. I have had a handful of dates, but haven't met anyone special, guys my age want younger or women without children.
I feel quite down about it all, I feel I have failed and maybe it's inevitable that he's happier with her; I realise it's not good feeling sorry for myself,can anyone empathise? I used to think I was a good gf/wife but my confidence seems to be in bits.

monicabling Mon 02-Jan-17 20:10:33

I can emphasize a lot. In a similar situation although we were on/off for 5 years before he finally moved on. So I have a little more time/distance to get head around it. Still hurts like hell and very hard not to compare my life to his.

That said, a few thoughts I like to embrace are: He might be in a new relationship but he's taken himself with him. He had years to change and never did, so what are the odds he is going to change overnight just because he is with a new person. If it was meant to work, it would have. There is nothing wrong with me (or him - if you want to be kind lol) we just weren't the right fit. I am going to work on being the very best version of me I can. Lots of people have left long marriages and then met someone who they will spend the rest of their life with, why not me too! (And, so on...) Don't know if these kind of thoughts will help you but it does me x

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