Our relationship has been strained for a few months. We've been together for 5 years, living together in my house with my 3 DCs. There's been ups and downs, and I had become aware that things were going to end.
On NYE he went out with friends all day, leaving me to sort things myself, which I wasn't happy about. When I challenged him he said I could go out anytime I liked, but oh yes, you've not got any friends!
Anyway, he came home drunk, and fell out with me over something trivial, even the kids thought he was being stupid, and went to the bedroom, leaving us on our own. He was sulking, and stonewalled me. He came back and forth, making a big show of taking his suitcase through etc. I was saying, calm down, come and take in the bells with us? He left the house for 45 mind, walking, and then came back. We live in the country. It escalated just before midnight, when he taunted the kids that soon mummy and daddy would be back together, which upset the dcs. I left my ex due to abusive behaviour, driven by alcohol. There's no way I would go back, but he has developed a thing about it, as my ex and I are amicable for the sake of the kids.
He started name calling in front of the kids, you fucking bitch, cunt, etc, and I thought enough was enough, so I prepared to take the kids and myself to my mums. I had not had anything to drink that evening, and did not want my kids to see another drunken tirade, they'd seen enough from their dad.
He then pretended to call the police, due to my abusive behaviour, reporting me and saying see you in 5 minutes. I knew this was a pathetic attempt to scare me. The kids were hysterical. So we left.
Several hours later, I got a call from the police, to say he was in custody, and would need clothes for court on Monday. They wouldn't say why, but when I got home the next morning, his car was gone, there'd been an accident so I assume it was drink driving.
He had taken all his clothes, so clearly he was leaving.
I don't see any further future together. He'd behaved horribly in front of the kids, and knows we've had this before. He doesn't have a history of criminal activity, and has a decent job. My family have long thought he wasn't good enough for me. I'm reeling, as I can't believe he's been so stupid. Lately he's taken to blaming me for everything, so I'll get blamed for this. My opinion is he made a bad choice, and he needs to accept the consequences. His friend who he was going to stay with apparently thinks I should go to court, but I don't want to.
It's a mess of his making. I'm glad it's over, but he'll likely apologise and blame the drink, depression, something else! Dad says I should change the locks and cut ties. Kids are upset, and scared that he's in jail.
I needed to off load, you lovely lot helped me through my marriage failure, and I have name changed, as I'm so ashamed.
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Relationships
Partner in custody
OneSockOn · 02/01/2017 08:41
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I also agree with your Dad. Clean break, change the locks and block all contact. Good luck 
Please keep him away! He made terrible choices and it sounds like you were making all the right ones, keeping calm and taking kids away.
Also I hate to say it but if he is drunk and abusive and you don't take protective action to stop your kids being involved social services may end up involved.
You sound like a great parent, your kids are lucky to have you
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