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I need to wake up and leave him.

(20 Posts)
Emzerness Sun 01-Jan-17 14:13:25

Hi all, i feel really embarrassed writing this because i probably come across as stupid. This is a long post, sorry.

Im 24, been with my boyfriend just over 2 years and we have a 9 month old.
As always at the first of the relationship things were good, he seemed lovely, a real gentleman. I don't really know when things started to go wrong or how/why. For the last year and a half or so, he's just getting really hard to be around.

At first it was your normal arguments sometimes over silly stuff like little disagreements. Now though everyday there seems to be something that ive done wrong or havent done to his standard and he has worn me down so much.

I miss my old life, i used to be so happy. Im a singer, i was always writing songs with friends etc but I had to stop that because some of them were males and he hated it. He makes me feel utterly worthless. Hes in his last year of uni, i'm going back to my housekeeping job in the week. He always reminds me how I will never amount to nothing, how if he applied for every single job that i applied for he would get them all. I'm a retard, stupid, dumb bitch, i serve no purpose. No one will want me.

He told me when i was pregnant he would beat the baby out of me. He also goes on about how he doubts our baby is his. He has accused me of cheating a few times when I've been at home alone with our baby. She was born 8 weeks early, I had to have an emergency c section as i had pre eclampsia. I was in so much pain and out of it that for the first 2 days I didn't go and see her in the neonatal ward. I already feel so much guilt for that everytime i think about it, but he had to top it off and tell me i'm a useless mother because i didnt see her at first and that all the other mothers managed it. The whole thing was a massive emotional roller coaster and i never felt like he supported me. Everytime I cried or looked upset he would walk out because he was more worried about people thinking he'd done something to make me cry.

he's often said how he would love to punch me in the face, he hasnt hit me yet but i have been grabbed, bitten, spat on, hair pulled.
I'm sorry i'm rambling, i just need to get it out because i feel like i can't talk to anyone about it. i'm too embarrassed to tell my parents everything.

I really really want to leave him but he's threatened to have my baby taken from me if i do. He's said that his mum will fight for custody (shes currently living abroad with plans to move here, is very wealthy) he tells me she will get our baby because she has the money to do so.

I am scared of him. He puts me down constantly, i feel disgusting ive gained weight because ive been comfort eating as i just feel so miserable.
I look at my daughter and I feel so guilty. Why am i allowing her to be around this sad

I just don't know where to start. Who do i speak to? can he really get our daughter taken from me? i dont know where i can live. My job is such a low amount each month i don't know how i could ever afford to live on my own.
I dont know what to do
please can anyone help

gamerchick Sun 01-Jan-17 14:16:55

Ah take a squeeze flowers

Lovely they always threaten to take the kids, always! It's apart of the script to keep you in line. It won't happen.

It sounds as if you just need a plan. Once you know how to the rest follows.

gamerchick Sun 01-Jan-17 14:18:12

Maybe woman's aid would be a good starting point. Can you ring them?

gamerchick Sun 01-Jan-17 14:19:20

0808 2000 247

BLUEBELL22 Sun 01-Jan-17 14:24:18

You don't sound stupid at all. Please pick up the phone and talk to Women's Aid before this escalates to something worse. Neither you nor your baby deserve to be treated like this xx

incogKNEEto Sun 01-Jan-17 14:40:56

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

incogKNEEto Sun 01-Jan-17 14:42:20

That link says everything l want to say to you, except 'you can do this, and yes they all say they will take the kids, it simply isn't true' You can do this. Get your ducks in a row, leave his sorry arse and don't look back flowers.

Butterymuffin Sun 01-Jan-17 14:46:20

His mum can be as rich as the Queen, but it is very hard to take a child from its mother without that mother being proved to be neglectful and/or abusive and you are neither. Being too ill to see her straight away in the hospital does not count. So he has nothing on you, but you have plenty on him. Do you have texts, voice mails, or anything else showing the way he treats you? Even if you don't, you need to get out of the house and then report all this to the police. Ring Women's Aid as others have suggested and they will help. But he's lying and blackmailing you and it won't work.

Borntorunfast Sun 01-Jan-17 14:52:10

His mum isn't even in the country. She could be the queen of feckin Sheba and she wouldn't get your darling baby. He's just trying to make you too scared to leave him.

Fuck him. Fuck the fear. Be as scared as you need to be - and you will be scared and that's OK, that's normal - but take a deep breath and be the mother you know you are. Take your baby and leave him. You can do it. Xx

ElspethFlashman Sun 01-Jan-17 14:53:51

No, the baby will not be taken away from you.

That's insane.

Grandparents have no rights in law to access to their grandchildren. Whereas mothers do.

He is saying this shit to scare you, cos he wants a submissive, meek you. But they are empty threats, believe me. The courts do not think richer = more capable. They used to back in the 1950s, but thankfully there has been legal reform since then.

SandyY2K Sun 01-Jan-17 15:03:01

Sweetie .... you need to get away from him and his threats of violence should be reported. You need his violence like the bites etc reported. You owe it to yourself and your baby to get away from him. What a vile coward he is.

He's a horrible man who wants you to feel worthless .... because he's jealous of your talent and off the friends you had.

Reconnect with friends and don't isolate yourself.

He's spouting rubbish about his mum taking the baby. It's time people knew what he's really like.

Please tell your parents. You need real life support

UnbornMortificadoAtChristmas Sun 01-Jan-17 15:04:04

OP taking the kids off you is a classic abusers trick.

He is an abusive wanker. Ring women's aid talk to someone is RL who can back what we are saying up flowers

Astro55 Sun 01-Jan-17 15:08:40

Please ring woman's aid

What a horrible sad excuse for a human being!!'

Walk away - you've done nothing wrong - he's an arse

Tootsiepops Sun 01-Jan-17 15:11:57

Emzerness - call your parents my lovely and tell them you want to come home asap. I bet you they will be so relieved. I'm pretty sure they'll already know he's a bad one.

Gallavich Sun 01-Jan-17 15:13:54

Please call women's aid.
Nobody can take the baby from you. No way.

MatildaTheCat Sun 01-Jan-17 15:19:35

I have a DC your age. I'd be heartbroken if they couldn't tell me this and come home to be safe with their own DC.

You and DC are at risk. Wait til he's out and call womensaid. Then plan a safe exit and never look back. He sounds highly dangerous so keep safe.

tipsytrifle Sun 01-Jan-17 16:44:24

My New Year Wishes for You:

That you gather the last ebb and wane of your fire, kindle it into a blaze that will get you out of this cruel and abusive relationship.

That you find your songs again, sing this nightmare out of your system and feel joy in creativity.

That you phone Women's Aid and make a plan to escape very very soon.

That you recognise you have already woken up and that this is an irreversible step. The next one (or several) will need courage and your will to Live again. Feed both with the knowledge that you already KNOW what is going to happen. Make it so.

HappyHedgehog247 Sun 01-Jan-17 17:51:50

i'm so glad you posted. Reading and posting on Mumsnet helped me find the courage to leave and I wish the same for you.

Is there anyone you can stay with short-term- family? Friends?

Benefits and child maintenance may help make a place more affordable but for now it just sounds like it would be good to get out. I hope you ring women's aid. I wish you all the luck in the world. One step at a time you can rebuild yourself and your life and create a safe loving home for you and DD. Xx

SilenceOfTheSAHMs Sun 01-Jan-17 20:56:22

Sweetheart I have been where you are. I'm so glad you have shared your problems with us. Please contact women's aid. He will not get custody of your child. To do so he would need cafcass reports, social services assessment and reports, cast iron proof of your supposed inability to parent.
Of these things he has none.
Please leave him. Your life will be in glorious Technicolor again flowers

Whisky2014 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:24:41

His mother wont get the child and neither will he. Do not worry about this. Please leave him! And write us a good song, we will get it to no 1 smile xx

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