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Practical advice really needed please

(10 Posts)
suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 22:26:50

So tonight has confirmed to me i need to leave oh. I cant bare another year of the same shit. Hes depressed uses alcohol to numb his heas and get aggressive ratty snappy plain nasty with me and out children. He says thibgs to them like 'well thats ur mothers fault' or 'go on run to ur mother' like they are wrong for wanting comfort when upset. He tells our youngest son whos two to 'man up' cs hes sesitive and tries to force him to fight his older tougher brother. I ibviously dont stand by and watch this but i step in and its the usual oh heres your mother to soften you up. Ive realised hes vile. But i have numerous concerns in leaving
1. We share a very big mortgage one i couldnt possibly cover and children dont want to leave the house
2. I leave and he'll get half custody?! Ir acess at least as i dont know how to prove the wat he is. The thought of our beautiful children with that unsupervised scares the hell out of me
3. My children love their dad... How do i rule him out completely without them hating me
4. Im sahm and dont work how do i now support them
5. Hes nasty and knows alot of nasty ppl he always talks about ppl he knows who'll he'll get to 'sort' his problems out when ppl annoy him. Im scared we wont b safe.
6. He has waaaaay more money than me for best solicitors/lawyers etc
7. Hes that depressed i think me leaving will push him to complete psycho status. He doesnt care for his life... What if he takes the kids or does something else equally bad.

I know i can't stay with him ideally id like to beeak amicablly and share kids but for everything above i think hes going to make that imposdible!!
Where do i find the stregth to do this
To put my children through something they will not understand is for the best for a very long time. Theyre only babies 4 and 2

Ilovecaindingle Sat 31-Dec-16 22:29:54

They are babies.
They don't care where they live.
They only love dad coz they are too young to know he is a twat.
Find yourself a solicitor before you have no strength to get the hell out of there.

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 22:36:18

How do i afford that?! I honestly feel completely trapped! As silly as it sounds the only thing keeping me here now is tgat i feel i protect them when theyre around him cs im always there. If we break up hes got them on his own and i dont trust that at all. But cant stop it hes their dad he has rights and they'll want to see him. But i dont want them growing up thinking our relationship is normal and the way he talks to me and about wonen in general is right

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 22:38:25

I dont kno what difference it makes but he's very well known and high earner whereas im quieter and skint. I gave up my job so he could keep his as it payed alot more. if it comes down to my word against his in anything he has loads of ppl backing him up

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 22:40:37

We arent married either so ill b leaving with nothing

BaublesandBells Sat 31-Dec-16 22:42:43

My Mother never left mu abusive Dad. We all suffered. The one thing I wished was that she had of left him. He is damaging them. You need to find the strength, there is always a way. More posters on here will have better advice but you will not be damaging them by leaving this abusive man.

Chelazla Sat 31-Dec-16 22:43:19

Do you have family you could go to. I would get any intimidating/ even vaguely threatening behaviour logged with the police just so your on record if it turns nasty.

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 23:14:36

How do i just log it with the police without them turning up at the door? I know i sound stupid i literally have no idea how to go about any of this. Part of me tells myself the kids are fine. The most part i think they are. They spend most of their time with me as he works alot but they are going to grow up with him as the male figure in thier life and they clash so much because i teach them the right way to go on and when dads 'naughty' or rude or doesnt follow the rules they pull him for it. He sees that as them being cheeky and scolds them. And im left stuck not wanting to agree with either :-( im just fed up with it.

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 23:43:30

We have two beitiful children! They are polite, know right from wrong and have hearts of gold.. I just feel like hes on a mission to harden them and for what i dont understand! He purposey winds them up to get them to rise to him like he likes to see them that way..

suzzanne Sat 31-Dec-16 23:46:38

And whats worse i hate mysef for choosing this man to be their father! I hate that i ever had children with him! All the signs were there before we had children! Im an absolute idiot and i'll never forgive myself for burdoning their lives with him. No child deserves a nasty depressed alcoholic as a father growing up

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