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Just ended short relationship because of both of our problems

(4 Posts)
bluestardressinggown Tue 27-Dec-16 13:56:13

I've been going through a very difficult time the last couple of months (I've got a thread about it). Just over a month ago, I met a nice man and we seemed to hit it off quite quickly. I trusted him enough to confide in him what was happening in my life. He is kind, gentle and thoughtful and I feel comfortable in his company. However this other issue I have in my life takes up a lot of head space so it is difficult for me at the moment to fully enjoy a new relationship.

As we've got to know eachother, and after I told him about my current situation, he opened up to me about some of his problems. He has a DS with his ex, who he claims suffers from severe mental health problems. He said that he had to call SS on her because she was violent and controlling towards him. He said that whilst he was trying to defend himself from her, he broke her finger. She seems to hold all the control regarding access to his son and seems to be powerless to stand up to her. He talks about her and her behaviour towards him a lot.

He also has another ex that he talks about all the time. He will mention her several times when we meet up. They were together for 10 years. It turns out he jumped into a relationship with is last partner quickly after he separated from this other partner who he only left this summer. I have no doubt that he does not harbor any romantic feelings for either of them but the fact that he talks about them all the time suggests to me that he has unresolved issues.

I started to have my doubts last week. I had met up with him briefly on Thursday morning having told him that I had just received a very stressful and upsetting phonecall relating to my problem, and he spent the whole time talking about his ex, complaining about a difficult handover he had had that morning with his DS. He is always saying his 'ex' bullies him into doing things he doesn't want to do, including having their son. I find his inability to take responsibility for his own life a bit pathetic. Later I got an essay via Whatsapp of some sort of argument he had managed to get himself into with his work colleagues. Earlier in the week he had told me he had made his mum cry at a family gathering because he had 'snapped' at her.

I haven't spoken to him for a few days but I ended it today. We only met a month ago, so it is not serious or anything and I feel like I need to go with my gut. I don't really know why I'm writing this, perhaps just to vent. But also what are other people's opinion about this? Constantly talking about exes is a no no right? Also he talks about his son's mother in such a negative way which is always a red flag and I can only take his word for it.

Northernpowerhouse Tue 27-Dec-16 14:01:31

Your instinct is spot on imo.

OohhThatsMe Tue 27-Dec-16 14:10:32

I'd love to hear the other side of the broken finger story.

I agree with the PP - your instinct is spot on.

bluestardressinggown Tue 27-Dec-16 14:18:04

Yes that is what kept thinking. On face value he seemed sincere but I can only take his word for it. My ability to trust has taken a massive blow this last couple of months and I felt like I just can't take the risk.

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