Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Just lost

4 replies

Sharkeybabe15 · 27/12/2016 13:31

I dont really know where to start tbh. Ive been with my husband for nearly 9 years and have a 6yr old dd and im due my 2nd dd in 5weeks time.
Sex has never really been that interesting to me ive not much of a drive but have always made sure my hubby and me were as regular alot of the times i didnt want to but i sucked it up to keep him happy.
This pregnancy has been tough for various reason and tbh my husband hasnt really been supporting at all. He has many health problems but always seems to recover in time to do something for himself. Never for a school run or school parents meeting but always ok to ask for sex or to go to the pub!!!
Things have been rocky for a wee while but i honestly thought he was finally understanding my lack of interest in sex but last night everything has started again after being out with family friends hed had too much to drink and even though i said no he kept pestering and going on. I didnt give in so he launched an abusive rant at me about how im fat, ugly no1 would ever want me the list goes on this went on and on until around 5am this morning!! Im so tired of having to justify myself and wish he would understand.
Hes still in bed probs will be for rest of the day and then theyre will be a 3/4 days of rowing and him telling me how useless i am. I just dont have the energy anymore i love him but i cant do this anymore.
I dont really know what im looking for by posting this suppose just needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

Report

Notapodling · 27/12/2016 14:01

Differing sex drives can always be a point of contention, but both parties in the relationship need to work it out respectfully without resorting to verbal abuse.
If it were me, shouting abuse like that would be a line crossed and end of the relationship for me. I cant see a way back from it. There is never an excuse to talk to another human being like that, especially not to someone who loves you.
You deserve better.
You're especially vulnerable now that your baby is coming due and certainly should not have to put up with someone having a go at you and telling you you're useless.
Do you have RL support?
A family member or friend you can talk to or stay with?

Report

Sharkeybabe15 · 27/12/2016 16:30

Thank you for your response. Yes i know that i deserve better but unfortuatly im in a situation where im unable to move out and he certainly wont leave.
I dont want us to be continuously rowing about sex all the time i wish i could be more active but i cant i will be speaking to a doctor about it once ive had the baby bcoz i know myself that its not normal.
However the way he speaks to me is also not right and he needs to.stop it. I havent spoke to him all day as my dd has been up and about but i will try and calmly talk to him once shes gone to bed. See if he can understand where im coming from. I have no1 in real life i can talk to im pretty much just on my own. Thanks for replying

OP posts:

Report

Angrybird123 · 27/12/2016 16:48

You say 'i love him' but please stop and ask yourself, do you actually? Or is it just a sort of 'i must love him because i'm with him.'? He sounds awful. If you just met him and he behaved like this you would (i hope) run a mile. However you have nearly 2 kids and a lot invested so an easy LTB isn't necessarily the obvious choice, even if it was practically possible (and there always IS a way of you need one). You have to sit with him, explain how you feel,ask.him to commit to a certain number of events / chores whatever. Give him a very clear explanation of what needs to change and by when. If he can't / won't commit to that well then there are some tough decisions to make. But he won't change on his own and even if you suddenly started swinging from the chandeliers every night he wouldn't suddenly become Mr helpful. Don't give him all the power here - ask him for changes and start to develop a strategy for an exit of needed.

Report

Sharkeybabe15 · 27/12/2016 17:00

Thank you angrybird. Do u know your post has really hit home with me. No if i had just met him and found he was like this i would have run a mine but i have invested alot into this relationship and i really want everything to work but you are of course right that its not all about the sex its the lack of appreciation, the lack of help around the house and the way he generally speaks to me. I do think there has to be alot of effort especially from his side. I will speak to him tonight once my dd has went to sleep and hopefully he will understand that its not just me that has to change.
Thanks for giving me another insight