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Relationships

Don't know what to say to him

5 replies

Gorgeoussunset · 26/12/2016 14:37

I know someone, male straight unmarried who has asked me for input. I don't want to give too much away to protect identity, but essentially he has contacted me and asked me for reassurance about his looks and ability to attract someone. While I am not attracted to him in that way, there's nothing to say someone else won't. Not sure how to tread the line between reassurance and not leading him on. Am fairly sure he is not interested in me as more than a friend either. Advice?

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tallwivglasses · 26/12/2016 15:44

Hmm. I think I'd say 'sounds like you've got self esteem issues. I'm not really qualified to help with that. Try counselling? Best of luck!'

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HeddaGarbled · 26/12/2016 15:59

It sounds like he's done this by text or instant message or something which is a little odd. I can see it coming up in conversation, especially if it followed on from a discussion about current romantic situations but to randomly send someone a message asking such a thing is odd. I'd ask some questions before you reply. Why are you asking, what's worrying you, what's brought this on etc.

If he's not unattractive but is struggling to find a partner, then there's something other than physical attractiveness that's the problem. Is he shy, wierd, irritating, never goes out?

You could say something along the lines of "There is no problem with your physical attractiveness but that's not the only thing that women are interested in. Women are attracted to men who are kind, generous, fun, thoughtful, interesting" etc etc.

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Gorgeoussunset · 26/12/2016 16:02

It was an email. We had exchanged some messages about our lives and happiness levels in general so I wouldn't say it was out of context. Thing is, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with him. He has relocated a lot for work which doesn't help settling and he is very shy. That as far as I can tell is about it.

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HeddaGarbled · 28/12/2016 00:21

Sounds like he just needs some reassurance. "Of course you're attractive, you just haven't had the opportunity to meet the right woman yet because ........." would probably be enough without any hint of leading him on.