Feeling very resentful

[rogue87]

Okay so I will give you a quick run down, sorry to ramble.

Been with DP for 9 years. I have DS from previous relationship and me and DP have DD (6 months) and I'm currently 3 months pregnant ( quick I know ).

So I'm feeling rather fed up with DP. I do everything around the house, look after both children and the dog. He is self employed and since DD was born can't seem to get his arse out of bed and go to work, I'm lucky if he's up by 1pm.
For the last year and a half he been playing this stupid war game on his phone and literally spends about 7 hours a day on it.
It's driving me fucking crazy that while I'm struggling to do everything ( have terrible morning sickness this time) he's either sleeping or staring at his phone talking to other players from all over the world.

I've spoken to him about this on numerous occasions and at first he would spend less time on it for about a week then go back to normal but now he gets really defensive. And the money situation is getting tight as my ML will end in the new year.

When we talk about money he just says he will have a much better year next year and it hasn't been his fault due to time off with complications late in my pregnancy with DD and bad weather when actually he just can't be arsed to get out of bed.

Sorry venting there.

Should I just go this alone? I'm guessing someone like this doesn't just decide to step up? ( he wasn't always like this but obviously now he will be a father of two it's what he does now that matters)

[FlouncedBack]

Sorry Rogue, what a rotten situation to be in - personally I'd tell him straight that it's shape up or ship out time, and mean it. It's time to put childish games away.

[rogue87]

Thanks Flounced I think it's make or break time.

[WiggleYourWoo]

Oooh, is he playing Game of War? Totally addictive! misses the point completely

[TENSHI]

Stop being his mother for starters, why are you cooking and cleaning up after a toddler man?

Do your own stuff and your dc's and go it alone because he is a terrible role model to bring up dc to witness.

Were your dc wanted by both of you? He sounds depressed and reverting to child like behaviour as a reaction to impending fatherhood.

Not a good situation to bring dc into thr world is it?

Anyway, it's important for your dc and for your dc that you are a good mummy so ditch the toxic environment and start thinking what is best for you and them.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Is he still working enough to pay for the essentials? Mortgage/rent, food, utilities etc.? If not, how does he expect you to manage financially when your ML ends? I'm assuming from your post that you're not returning to work & then taking a second period of ML? Will his be the only income?

Most self-employed people I know have to work their socks off whilst work is available & then have their quiet months when they get less bookings/jobs etc. Of course DH took some time around your DD's birth, but I don't understand his logic for turning down paying work now. Is that what's happening?

[rogue87]

Tenshi you're right I feel like his mother not partner!

I thought I was done having children after one as DS is 11 but DD happened and we both wanted her. Obviously things have changed since then. New pregnancy also not planned (was on mini pill) and I wasn't happy at all at first but either way I'm a great mum and they will have everything they need with me.

I cover the main living expenses as I've always had a better income but he does cover some. He goes to work but not until the afternoon so only 3 - 4 hours a day, which wouldn't be enough once I have no income.

I was planning to stay at home until youngest started school, he agreed. Looks like I will have to go back to work and take ML again.

Thanks for your posts, going it alone seems to be the only way forward here.

[Adora10]

I'm lucky if he's up by 1pm

You have another child OP but it's a fully grown man taking the absolute piss, what's the actual point of him, apart from sponging off you.

[TENSHI]

Well done op for planning on making a positive step.

You are a great mum and your dc need a great dad in their lives or not one at all, especially if you have a son! Watching a useless man do nothing but sleep and sponge off you is more damaging than you think.

As they say, do as I do not as I say.

Also, as soon as your dc are at the potty training stage they can be taught to put toys away, put laundry in basket etc. It sounds as if your dp is still stuck in the toddler stage if he hasn't learnt to help in the household and be a good team player. Poor, toxic role model for your dc and as they their and your mental and physical wellbeing should come first you need to have kind and thoughtful proactive and hardworking role model/s in their lives only.