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What to expect from womens aid?

(18 Posts)
Roastturnip Sat 17-Dec-16 11:34:59

I'm in this weird place where I can read about emotionally abusive relationships and recognise alot of the traits, but it has all been so subtle there is still a voice saying 'dont be daft, he's a prick, but it's not abuse'. I need some support and advice to disentangle myself from this mess. I have made contact with a solicitor for an initial advice session but have also been advised to approach women's aid. I just don't know how to get across the subtlety of what's happened without sounding over dramatic. I could describe some of the things that have happened but to the outside world alot of it would be a bit... 'wtf, you call that abuse?' Will womens aid understand? What can they do for me?

llangennith Sat 17-Dec-16 11:53:18

Phone or call Women's Aid. They've heard it all before so they'll believe you and not make you doubt yourself. Please contact them.

Newbrummie Sat 17-Dec-16 12:21:30

What are you expecting that women's aid can do for you ? My theory was places like them are for those with literally nowhere else to turn so if I could do it myself I would rather than utilise a service at somebody's expense who couldn't ... Does that make sense ? Not staying you shouldn't but if you've enough about you to be contacting solicitors etc

Roastturnip Sat 17-Dec-16 12:37:04

Well last thing I want would be to take support away from anyone else who needs it more. I'm certainly not wanting refuge or anything like that. I think more than anything I just need to talk about what's happened and have somebody who understands listen.

dunfightin Sat 17-Dec-16 12:40:51

It's fine to call them. They may not call back straight away if you are not in immediate danger.
Also find out about a Freedom Programme near you and any local services. The mind***kery of the whole thing is as soul destroying as physical violence.
But don't think that you don't deserve to call them. You do and being on the other side will be so much better

WellWhoKnew Sat 17-Dec-16 12:50:06

They can't offer you individual counselling but the freedom programme does help change mindset and beliefs - it's really helpful to get a new perspective after your self-esteem has been eroded to the point you're exhausted. However, counselling alongside can be really valuable.

MrsPnut Sat 17-Dec-16 12:53:12

Definitely contact Women's Aid, they may not be able to offer something straight away but they will know what there is on offer in your local area. Try googling the area you live in and domestic abuse and you should find some contact details for your local group.

Newbrummie Sat 17-Dec-16 12:59:35

There's probably quicker ways if you just need signposting or referrals ... Honestly the local library or Google would be faster.

WynterBlossom Sat 17-Dec-16 15:34:07

Call them, I was in the same situation as you....to the point I was questioning myself as to whether he was being nice & I was the one who was blowing it up out of proportion.

They can put you on the right path you need to take, don't think you can't call them, they aren't 999 so you aren't taking anyone else's time up.

Fortheloveofdog Sat 17-Dec-16 16:43:34

Newbrummie that is not how it works at all. A solicitor is by no means an alternative to Women's Aid. Please DO call women's aid op, you sound like you need their support. Their experience means they will understand the subtleties of the abuse, and not minimise it.
Try to draw strength from anywhere you can, including here. Please be careful as he may step things up if he knows you are preparing to leave. You will be so much happier when you are free op, good luck flowers

Newbrummie Sat 17-Dec-16 16:52:16

No no that's not what I meant. I meant if you're thinking clearly enough to be actioning solicitors etc WA may just tell you what you already know. I've found that with most of these services, if you've an idea what you need just go and get it, they don't really have anything "new"

WellWhoKnew Sun 18-Dec-16 13:42:45

WA will not tell you what a solicitor tells you. They offer very different kinds of support.

user1479745061 Sun 18-Dec-16 13:52:48

I would very much recommend contacting Women's Aid for a chat. After a few months of being apart from my abusive then husband, I started to think that we could maybe work things out. He would have been happy for me to go back, but had no intention of changing anything.

Around that time, I phoned WA and found them so helpful and understanding. It really helped me to hear that what I was going through was not uncommon, and that many women - having got out and healed up a bit - considered going back. To speak to someone who hears you, listens to you and understands is so amazing.

You can't get that from google or a library.

newtothenet Sun 18-Dec-16 14:47:34

I am professionally connected to Women's Aid. They are a franchise but in my area they absolutely deal with "low risk" relationships including controlling behaviour and not just high risk violence. It is in their interests to assist people at an early stage before they get to a point where they need refuge assistance. They offer telephone advice, outreach, and training programmes and are extremely discreet. No matter how small you think the issue they will be happy to help you. Please do ring them for a bit of advice and support.

TwinGirlsLifeGoals Sun 18-Dec-16 15:02:18

Women's aid will help, you are not 'taking away from those who need it' they will put you in touch with those most suited to help you. We all think it might not be abuse etc in some cases but in my opinion, if you even think it could be, it's worth getting support.

Dawndonnaagain Sun 18-Dec-16 17:28:47

NewBrummie. I had an idea, albeit vague. After all, I'm an intelligent articulate woman.However, my confidence had been eroded to such an extent that I was unable to make a clear judgement about anything other than what to put in lunch boxes each morning. I really needed Women's Aid.
I have spent most of this weekend in tears with my adult children reassuring me that no, it wasn't me, it really was him. He's been gone four months. Don't tell someone not to go to WA. I too had been to a solicitor, but with what seemed like niggles. They're there to make money, and give advice when paid. Women's Aid are there to help you either get rid of the niggles or to confirm and help you through. It's bad advice and unfair to advise against what may be essential counselling.

Newbrummie Sun 18-Dec-16 17:35:13

Ok fair enough.

Roastturnip Sun 18-Dec-16 22:08:51

Thank you all for advice flowers.

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