My adult daughter

[operaha]

Soon to be 19.
Returned from her dad's yesterday where they'd been for a family party. She'd gone crazy at their step mum who had shouted at my ds (11). She'd entered into a screaming match and stormed out and brought him home plus their db 17.
Our house isn't shouty, I deal with matters differently, always have.
Tonight I've come home late from work to hear her saying how awful the boys have been and how big one has kicked little one so hard in stomach he cried so she went "mental".
According to boys, they were play fighting, big one overdid it, then they made up.
She has screamed the house down at them, told them to get out etc.
In her relaying this to me, I pointed out the obvious similarity to the situation with her step mum yesterday.
I've been yelled at and now she's stormed out to her boyfriends and I've cried in front of my sons.
I really don't know how to manage the situation. She never ever apologises or backs down and that's perhaps my fault, I've missed something along the way but we have fairly frequent flair ups like this and I don't know how to handle them anymore...
Just looking for a shoulder to cry on really. My dh just tiptoes round me when I'm upset with her...

[ravenmum]

Is this a sudden change of character? Has something happened in her life that might have triggered it? Might the shouty stepmum have anything to do with it? Her leaving school? Sounds like your daughter is pretty upset by something.

[DanceMeToTheEndOfLove]

See, the worst thing about being 18 going on 19 is that you're expecting to be a mature and responsible adult and a deferent, well behaved child simultaneously.

I would also say there's more to this.

[operaha]

I think so too but she says there isn't.
She left school at 16 so not too recently.
I know there's an issue with her boyfriend but it's not one with her step mum, she doesn't go regularly, this was because of a party. She normally sees her dad on his own.
I've told her I'm here to talk to when she's ready, she knows I'll support her no matter what. It's like she doesn't want me near her when she is like this but in a few days she'll be fine and loving me again.

[DamePlata]

Has she experienced something that makes her fèeel new rage at male violence?
Suddenly seeing her brothers horsing around differently ?
I might be reading waaaay too much in to that!

[operaha]

I doubt it but you never know. I don't think it's as deep as that. She's text me to say she's fine.
She treated her last boyfriend appallingly, but she isn't generally awful to the men in her life.
Sigh. I just feel really blue, I know she'll come back to me, but I wish i could read her mind.

[Nanny0gg]

she knows I'll support her no matter what.

Really? Is that the problem? Sometimes she will be in the wrong.