So I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, it was one of those relationships where you get on really well instantly and we did everything together. After about a year I learnt that he had a massive problem with smoking weed, I have no idea how he kept it from me for so long but he did. It got to the point where he was doing it all day every day and was quitting jobs etc. I was funding everything we ever did. We eventually broke up because I found out he had sold some of my stuff (we lived together and it went missing). He had sold things like my Ipod docking station and christmas presents I had bought him, some of my money.
A year after that we stupidly got back together (my idea) and things seemed a bit better but he ended up leaving me for a girl he met through work.
A year after that he gets in touch with me, probably around 6 weeks ago now and about 6 weeks after he broke up with that girl, saying he's sorry for being a dick and wants to change his life and be a better person. How he's sick of living the way he does and wants nothing more than to make it work with me. He's finally realised what he wants in life after being with someone else, and we have such a special bond and all that bullshit.
I fell for it. We've been seeing eachother quite a bit and I realised nothing has changed at all, infact he's probably worse. I discovered weed plants growing in his flat, he's not got a job, he's covered in weird marks that he claims are from splinters but to me he could be on other drugs I have no idea.
He's from a completely different world to me, I've never even tried a cigarette, I don't drink and I own my own home. He has bugger all and lives in a complete dump.
So tonight he's messaged me saying he's not ready for a relationship and it's over. I'm not particularly upset that it's over, I'm more upset that I've actually fallen for this bullshit again. How could I be so fucking stupid? I don't understand why people go to such effort to pretend they are something they're not.
I know I've been a total dick here but at one point I was so in love with him, and it's hard to resist the thought of him actually turning into a decent person. Clearly he's not though.
Just a rant :(
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Relationships
Been dumped by a total arsehole
rebeccas9 · 15/11/2016 17:22
You are a bit of a dick but that's OK, we've all been there (well, I have 
). Just as long as you now learn from that mistake and remember how he's made you feel next time he comes crawling back. Text him 'good riddance, dickhead' and call on some good friends to help you make sense of it all and move on with your life. Onwards and upwards!
Yes, you are a dick! A Total Dick! An Utter Dick!
And now you know, you can stop!
If you want to save something, set up a goalpost and invite some mates round 
Being dumped by an arsehole is never something to be too sad about 
You were probably bored - it happens just don't let it happen again! Xxx here, have a glass 
Crack open the Bolly, shout 'Hallelujah', and share a glass with your guardian angel 
Now that you're shot of this lowlife loser, raise your bar and make damn sure that your next lover has no need to 'turn into a decent person' because he is a true gentleman, by nature as well as inclination.
I agree that you should be celebrating and pleased he did your dirty work for you.
But I do think you need to sit down and spend a little while looking at your attitude to men/relationships. He treated you like a douchebag and you took him back twice! I'm not trying to make you feel bad (God knows I've probably done worse) - but maybe try and work out why you are prepared to take a man like that back.
What is it you want from a relationship? What is non-negotiable? What are the three most important qualities you want in a man. I know it might sound a bit simple - but you seem to have wandered far off the path - anyway congratulations on losing the loser. 
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