When you feel like you can't cope but have no right to feel that way

[othersideup]

I'm a long time reader of these threads, but this is my first post. I've picked up a lot of good advice in the past from reading other threads and I hope to have some more here...

I'm feeling so fed up and really like I can't go on anymore. My life is fine, and people have so many bigger problems. I feel guilty for feeling like this. I'm 30, single, own my own home, car, and work in a "well respected" profession. I have a few good friends and many acquaintances. I don't really feel lonely in my friendships, although I suppose as you get older, friends get fewer but the real good ones stay. I see my parents and brother once or twice a month. Sounds good on paper...

But the truth is, I hate my job. I know why this is - the company is far too big, it's impersonal and it's very corporate and my colleagues are very competitive and not very nice people. So I decided to make that change, and I had two interviews elsewhere...but I haven't heard back in 2 weeks. I assume that means I didn't get the job. This has caused me this afternoon to spiral into all sorts of horrible feelings about myself as a person and the fact that i come home to an empty house.

I feel like I've achieved everything I wanted to at this age, except for being on my own and without a family. And that was actually the thing I wanted most. I have been on dates, but my last two relationships ended because my DPs didn't want to settle down. One went traveling when we broke up and the other works in New Zealand now!! And I've become very skeptical of anyone I've met online or through friends. I just think I cant really be bothered.. i've started to wonder recently what I will do with my life, because i've really begun to believe that it will just be me, on my own, for my whole life.

I don't know where this post is going, and it probably sounds quite jumbled. I just feel like such a mess.

[RandomMess]

On paper my life looks good but I struggle and my feelings of grief and sadness are real.

It's difficult and sad when life doesn't turn out as you want it are you able to talk to your friends/family about how you are really feeling so it doesn't escalate?

[Mantis1975]

There's not much worse than feeling depressed when you are also in a very privileged position.

You end up feeling guilty for being depressed and getting into a worse and worse state.

How long have you been feeling like this? If it hasn't been too long then you may just move on without any problems. But if it has been months you might need to see a gp and discuss the possible need for anti-depressants.
There's also cbt training you can do online such as moodgym which can be pretty helpful if you have the motivation to do it (this is where antidepressants can be useful: giving you the motivation for change)

You're not alone in these feelings and you've obviously done amazingly well for yourself in so many aspects of your life. Try to concentrate on that when you feel down.

Hope this is of some use.

[motherinferior]

Darling, you are still young! Really, you are. There is no reason why you should be in this predicament forever.

Job rejections are awful. Just keep going. See a career counsellor if you need to, get yourself around recruitment agencies...and look, you can take some risks precisely because you have no dependents and don't currently have to factor in maternity leave - that's what I told myself when I went freelance and I was five years older than you.

Oh, and a year later I took up with the first man in a loooong chain of bad bets who actually wanted a long-term relationship and wasn't averse to babies...and 14 months later gave birth to DD1.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Thirty is no age. You've got years yet. Most of may mates had their children in mid to late thirties.

Two interviews is nothing either. Keep on looking.

Perhaps have in mind work environments where you are likely to meet someone you might like, i.e. it has an atmosphere that suits you.