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Abusive partner

(5 Posts)
laura801 Sun 23-Oct-16 21:52:00

Hi all I am new to mumsnet but would really appreciate your thoughts on my situation.

I have no biological children but have been with my partner for 2 years and he has 3 lovely children, who I am very close to.

Generally speaking, my partner and I have a great relationship but unfortunately, he has a problem with alcohol and when he has had too much to drink, he tends to take his emotional problems out on me. He will shout, swear, slam doors etc and tell me he is "sick of me giving him sh**", sick of me "going on" and tells me to "f**k off" and that sort of thing. When he is sober, he is horrified at the things he has said. He says he knows that I don't give him problems and that in fact I help him out a lot with childcare while he works and emotional support, so doesn't know why he says those things.

I have told him that although I love him and the kids, I can't tolerate his drunken behaviour anymore. He keeps promising to get his drinking under control but nothing changes.

I'm so confused and just don't know what to do because when he is sober, he is the most lovely person and I don't want to lose our relationship. I also don't want to lose my relationship with the kids.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!


Violetskies123 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:37:51

Personally, if it were me i would leave him instantly. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If you really want to stay with him he must get counselling or go to rehab. If he was really sorry about it he wouldn't continue to do it. If he keeps on, you must leave him because things will only get worse.

Queenoftheblues Sun 23-Oct-16 23:24:15

He needs counselling. It really helped me when my drinking got out of hand. If he won't do it then you need to end the relationship.

moomoome Mon 24-Oct-16 07:34:26

you need to instigate a crisis so that he seeks help to change. A it is you are enabling him to keep drinking. that crisis does not have to be as severe as leaving him for good with no contact ever. but you should also think about seeking proffessional help as well so you can work out what you should do to not enable him.

laura801 Mon 24-Oct-16 16:54:06

Thank you all for your helpful replies. They have confirmed what I probably already knew, that I need to put my foot down and leave if he doesn't get help and make serious efforts to get better.

I hadn't even thought of my own behaviour enabling the drinking but now that it has been pointed out, I can definitely see that.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your input.


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