Married for too long and the relationship has been slowly deteriorating. No fights or arguments. Nothing only silence. I have given up long ago trying to have a dialogue. Every time I tried it turned into a monologue. Sex or the lack of it has constantly been the massive elephant in the room. Nothing done about that either. Silence is the code of behaviour. We have a son, we both dot on. We keep up the dialogue for him and about him. As soon as he goes to bed, it is as if the show is over, the curtains are down, each of us withdraws in different worlds we do not share. Once upon a time I might have been in love with this man. It seems so long ago I am not sure whether it was ever true. I wanted to grow old with him. I do not think it will happen. We do not share anything other than our son. Once he goes, we will be strangers who happen to share a house. We already are. I have friends but I do not talk to them. I have never have. Opening up is recognising failure for no return. I know for a fact that nothing will change. I do not hate him or detest him badly enough to leave, I am no in an abusive relationship. I am not in a relationship really. I would not leave for the sake of my son and because I am lazy and because I know life would not be any better anyway. Sad. I know. I hope my son will be luckier in his relationships when he grows up.
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