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STBXH's best friend - am I overreacting?

(13 Posts)
EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sun 16-Oct-16 16:12:34

I am separating from my husband. It was my decision which he has now more or less accepted, and we're moving on. I have several good friends to support me, STBXH doesn't have many, most close is his best friend. He's moving to live near him when we sell up next month.
The best friend (BF) comes to my town for business quite often, and stayed over with us. I've always got on ok with him, we are in the same line of work and it can be nice to talk shop. Since STBXH and I decided to split I haven't had contact with BF until last night when he texted me to ask how I was. It was lateish, about 11.30 but I don't sleep well and was pleased he wanted to stay in touch so we chatted by text for quite a while. He talked about travelling for his job, I talked about the house I'm moving to and said he could still stay over when he's in town for work. After a bit I felt a bit weird about the length of the chat and lateness so stopped answering. He texted again first thing today. He's said several times are you sure about me staying over and I've said yes fine.
Now something makes me feel a bit wary of this. I'm not sure why, it just feels a bit inappropriately close. I had a situation a long time ago when I let a make friend of my then partner stay over because he'd missed his last train, then heard he had expected me to have sex with him and was miffed I hadn't 😮! So I wonder if I have a tendency to be a bit naive. Am I overreacting to BF now, or would you feel weird about this too? I'm coming out of an abusive relationship and am exhausted trying to deal with the here and now, I don't know if I can trust my own instincts or judgement about men. What do you think?

wowwee123 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:16:58

ooooh yes steer very clear. an old friend of mine who was male and friends with ex would text me occasionally.

i made a passive comment about watching a dvd some time blush purely innocently as i really thought we were friends.

he told ex dp i had made a move on him.

i think men think a lot differently to women.

abbsismyhero Sun 16-Oct-16 16:24:13

Just clarify spare room/sofa just as friends and he wont think its odd

HuskyLover1 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:35:16

Tread very carefully. There are a lot of men (ime), who pray on women who are newly separated. As soon as a male friend of a friend heard thatIi was leaving my ExH, I started getting texts from him, asking for an affair. He was married with 2 kids! I think the lateness and length of text exchange, would have me wondering about his real motives.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 16-Oct-16 16:50:12

Tread very carefully. There are a lot of men (ime), who pray on women who are newly separated


Mix56 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:50:34

Tell him to go & stay with your Ex..... His friend ?

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Oct-16 16:55:44

Can you ask a friend to stay over at the same time. I think this guy is preparing the ground.

hatehowtheythink Sun 16-Oct-16 17:16:33

NC for this one.
I was in town one day without dh. I was invited by our male friend for dinner out but i said I already had dinner so he suggested to go to cinema. Stupid me didn't think much of it and was like why not.
Once the movie started he was holding my hand in a weird way. I was like WTF he was like chill out we are in a movie confused

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sun 16-Oct-16 18:37:25

Ex is moving away, close to where BF lives so he can't stay with him. I have specified spare room, maybe I'm being over cynical but my instincts are saying to be wary. BF is engaged and his partner is lovely.

Millionreasons Sun 16-Oct-16 18:39:43

Oh they all creep out of the woodwork when you are newly single. I had exh's best mate turn up at my door and overhug me, if ever he could do anything, bla bla. Don't trust any of them any more.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sun 16-Oct-16 20:45:18

Oh God it's the last thing I want. Can't imagine wanting any form of relationship with any man for YEARS, I need to settle myself and DCs, and try to work out why I have chosen men who treat me badly. I think polite distance is the thing.

doji Sun 16-Oct-16 21:40:13

Honestly I'd be stepping away from this one. I've come across far too many men that interpret 'you can stay on the sofa/in the spare room' as some sort of invite to come round for a shag. he's also your stbx's best mate, so chances are if you confide anything to him it'll be reported straight back to your ex. Just not worth the hassle.

Whathaveilost Sun 16-Oct-16 21:46:42

I would back track andnot let him stay. Seriously if you don't want drama in your life don't let him come over.

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