getting highly irritated by bedtime

[Windsorian]

Hiya, recently i am noticing that once kids are in bed, by which time i am knackered, i am in awful mood and start petty fights with dh just to vent off all the build up of stress which would have accumulated during the day. since children started school i have tried to be as organized as possible so that i ease the anxiousness of worrying that i will forget something.

i work full time and try to keep on top of the house and cook decent meals/lunches. dh helps out and is really hands on with the children. but this thing is bugging me because I've realized that most of the time once i've let off steam, i calm down, but obviously hubby is worked up by all the nasty stuff that comes out of my mouth and so i end up ruining the bit of time we have for each other at night and we sleep without making up. is anyone out there going through the same thing? i've tried trying to link with the cycle, and sometimes i notice that round about the middle of my monthly cycle i get really irrational.

[keepingonrunning]

Can you go out for a short run as soon as DC are in bed to get rid of some of the day's frustrations?
I imagine you feel like a hamster on a wheel much of the time, trying to keep up with everything that needs to get done. But why is so much of it your responsibility, not just to get done but to be rememembered to be done?
I think your answer lies in your comment, "dh helps out". If you both work full time everything else needs to be split 50/50. If he is invested in having a happier DW he will step up to the plate.

[adora1]

Sounds like you are doing the bulk of the household duties and you work full time, perhaps you'd be less resentful towards him if he pitched in more, I know I would resent a partner that didn't do his fair share - helping out is not an equal partnership.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Could you join a gym and work out those frustrations once DH gets back to take over with the kids?
Just give yourself an hour?
But.... like the others have said, how does he 'help out'
He's not helping out. He should be doing his fair share.
Is he?

[Ausernotanumber]

You and him need to talk and you need a fair division that isn't him helping out but doing his fair share. You need to get the notion that it's up to you and his is a bonus out of your head

[Windsorian]

Thanks for the replies. Maybe it was a wrong choice of words. He does his own share but he's very calm in nature so nothing seems to faze him, which makes my blood boil since I am naturally anxious.

He does the shopping, the cooking half of the time, takes care of the children when I'm working from home, bedtime is generally his duty and he does the school run a couple of times a week.

The suggestion to do some exercise is quite good, I just need to slot the time in.

[christmaswreaths]

I could have written your post!! I am in exactly the same boat as you. I have tried watching a series we both like even though most of the time I am too wound up and tired to watch it, it helps me to switch off.

Exercise is a good suggestion but I am.too shattered to exercise at night x

[FetchezLaVache]

That still leaves all the cleaning and all the laundry, though...

Can you go for your run (or just a brisk walk, even!) while he's doing bedtime? How about getting a cleaner to take some of the pressure off?

[PickAChew]

Even if you don't get the opportunity to exercise, you need to take yourself off for 20 minutes alone time. If one of the kids was displaying a problematic behaviour you'd change something in the routine to head off any triggers (tiredness, hanger, overstimulation etc) and you need to apply the same logic to yourself.

[giantcar]

Could you switch to a part time work pattern?

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

I am such a grump putting the children to bed and totally overreact to the slightest dicking about. In desperation I googled relaxing music for anger and now I play some calming music from YouTube on my phone as soon as the whole awful bedtime routine begins. I think it possibly helps.
Fucking hate bedtime. Currently sitting next to DS's bed trying not to react to monumental dicking about. I feel your pain.

[memyselfandaye]

Foxes the OP says the bedtimes are her husband's duty.

OP I would assume he has a very long fuse, I would have to told you to go and fuck yourself if you were starting fights and being nasty with me, and those are your choice of words, not mine.

You need to calm the fuck down and find an outlet for your anger, would you take it out on your boss or collegues or kids? Probably not, you would keep a lid on it, so why are you aiming it at him?

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

Oops, sorry! ignore me.
Hmmm, I'd be pretty pissed off if I'd just done the bedtime hell and came down and my husband picked petty fights with me every night.
Yes, exercise or some sort of mindfulness? And maybe let him know that you know you're being unreasonable and are working on it.