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Friendship: when to call it a day?

(3 Posts)
labranoodle11 Sun 02-Oct-16 19:27:02

Since high school, I've had a best friend who I used to share a lot of the same opinions with and we had similar hobbies, similar aims in life.
We both decided that we probably didn't want to have children, bit we never spoke much about this, just said it in passing. She is also very atheist and against the idea of marriage etc etc.
5 years ago all of this changed for me, I met my DH, we got married and had a DS within the first 3 years and things with my friend haven't been the same since.
I used to make a lot of effort to visit her before DS, I pretty much went along with her plans all of the time (although I never realised this until recently) and I made myself 'free' for her a lot.
Literally a few months after DS was born she couldn't understand why I wouldn't go and stay at her house for the night "like old times" she stopped liking any pictures of DS on FB. She said that she couldn't believe I'd turned into "one of those mothers".
She then commented that DS was naughty during a visit as he was screaming in pain through the night with reflux. I tried to be understanding of her by considering that she probably had no idea what reflux was, but I felt quite angry. She has since compared her other friend's "good" child with my "naughty" one.
To try and salvage our friendship I offered to take her to a spa for the day on me, she agreed but told me she wouldn't be free for 3 months. Now I know some people are busy, but this was really her being awkward I feel as I've had to cancel on her a few times because of sick DS. I know that she wasnt particularly busy on those 3 months as she complained on FB enough about how bored she was and of how she couldn't wait for a night out. I also know that she has very few friends and is single so it didn't make much sense to me.
At the spa, she didn't say thankyou and complained the whole time about children and how much she dislikes them. I felt uncomfortable in the end and said I needed to leave early.
I have definitely changed since DS and I'm not as good a friend to her as I used to be. I don't make as much of an effort with birthdays and Christmas like I used to with her, she still makes loads of effort with gifts for both myself and and DS, but I can't afford to lavish her with lots of gifts anymore and feel guilty when she brings her bag full for birthdays and Christmas.
she's still very thoughtful and will send little cards and messages etc but I'm not sure the gifts and cards are enough to continue our friendship. I think our paths are going in completely different ways.

TurnipCake Sun 02-Oct-16 19:32:40

I think it's time to distance yourself.

It's no crime, female friendships don't have to be BFF till the end, and I think you have been remarkably patient and generous by taking her to a spa when she has insulted your life choices and family.

labranoodle11 Mon 03-Oct-16 13:19:06

Thanks Turnip. Its hard as she's still very generous in other ways and our friendship goes back 20 years. But I know you're right deep down, just helps to hear it from others sometimes.

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