I've just taken

[MisterT373]

My first citalopram anti depressant in over 4 years.

Girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and I've been a mess ever since. Sent her a four page letter pointing out all the good things that exist between us, apologising for things I did and asking if she'd be willing to try again. She said no. So spent this evening with my son down on the coast, we had a blow out meat at Zizzis and I've come home and taken my first tablet.

From previous experience tomorrow I'm going to feel dire but I can't go on feeling so shredded emotionally

[AverageGayLadAtChristmas]

for you OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Patapouf]

I hope the meds do their job and you start to feel better soon.

[CurlyWurlyCatcher]

Well done for taking that first step. In my experience, you're most probably right about feeling dire tomorrow but it will be well worth it in the long run, so be proud. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time

[Shayelle]

good luck op

[Yoksha]

You've taken the first step. Just see the second pill as a follow through in the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other process. Please detach yourself emotionally from your ex. I know it's easier said than done, but try & modify your thought processes. As others have suggested in many posts on similar matters. Break your time line into smaller manageable chunks of time. I find that I prevent myself from being too overwhelmed.

for you OP.

[Charlie97]

Brave and good step

[MisterT373]

Thanks for all your kind words and support. Just to emphasize how crap my life is, as I lay there and started to feel all the side effects of the tablet I get an email from the ex asking if I was ok as she was concerned about me.

I don't seem to get a break.

[Yoksha]

How are you today OP. Hope you're feeling better.

[ravenmum]

Don't forget that it doesn't just make you feel tired etc. it also makes you feel more depressed in the first couple of weeks, so you can't trust anything your head is telling you right now. Have you told anyone that you are going on cit. and asked them to keep an eye on you?

[Dakota1]

Can you spend more time with your son now?

[SandyY2K]

I suggest you block her number/email address and go no contact to help you heal and move forward.

Your son is a reason to keep positive and realise that your life isn't crap.

Break ups are hard but time helps you get over it.

[MisterT373]

Thanks for all your kind words and support.

Having a total meltdown at the moment - absolutely spiraling down. Waking up with shaking hands and I'm just sweating buckets. Have no focus on anything.

ravenmum People know I am on them but I wouldn't say anyone is keeping an eye on me. Most people don't get the whole anti depressant thing.

Dakota1 He is off back to uni this week. I saw him yesterday for a bit.

sandyY2k I'm trying so hard to go NC but that's part of the struggle. Today marks 8 weeks since she first told me she wasn't happy and wasn't sure of the future - 8 weeks its been like this. I cant stand the thought of another 8 days let alone 8 weeks. I am so tired.

[Yoksha]

OP, please please stop overwhelming yourself with huge time periods. Break your immediate time slots down to maybe 15 mins. Soak your feet, & trim your toenails. I find that helps me. Clean the cooker! You get my boring drift. You need to anchor yourself.

[SooBee61]

If these drugs make you feel so terrible, why do you continue to take them? SSRI's sound like bad news. You could try an old fashioned tricyclic which also has a sedative effect, ask our GP about it.

[MisterT373]

yoksha I am at work desperately trying to hold it together - sad to say I am not terribly busy so it doesn't fill my day. I am just clock watching. I get what you're saying re the time periods but that's just how I am and have always been

SooBee61 I am only 9 days in and am hoping they will kick in and start doing what they are supposed to. I have a GP review on 3rd October so will discuss then if they aren't helping.

[ravenmum]

On my instructions for use it said that you should inform your family etc. that you might feel worse for the first couple of weeks, so that they can check up on you, especially if you have any suicidal feelings. I didn't have anyone to look out for me at all, so the instructions just made me feel even worse, but if you do have someone you should explain it to them (if they are able to offer support).

Are the effects you are experiencing now more psychological, or more physical? Don't forget that they are worse right at the start and should get a bit better soon. Keep in touch with the doctor and get a second opinion if necessary, but don't swap or stop medication without asking anyone. Going cold turkey can make it a lot worse too.

Also get your blood tested etc. to see if there could be any other reasons for physical symptoms - turns out I had an iron deficit but I was just blaming the tiredness on the citalopram.

And see if you can take the citalopram so that the tiredness comes when you are going to bed.

[MisterT373]

ravenmum I do take them before I go to sleep. I was on escitalopram 4 years ago but when I started my course I was in The Priory so there was less impact on everyday life. At the moment I am carrying on as best I can - going to work etc. Trouble is I am waking up at 4-5am and then the brain cuts in and I am thinking about the whole break up. I wont go cold turkey or stop taking them. I have done 9 days and am hoping for things to improve at some point so wont stop.

In the scheme of things breaking up with someone isn't a big deal - but I am completely broken by what happened.

[ravenmum]

Maybe even try taking them when you come back from work, if you can stay awake til bedtime?
Yes, the waking up at 4 am is bad. If you find you're just lying there sweating for hours, maybe try getting up and getting a drink, have a shower even, then "go to bed" again from the begninning. Change the sheets so the bed feels nice and fresh, clear up the bedroom so it feels pleasant and relaxing. I also find that putting on a podcast to listen to helps. In theory all of these things "keep you awake" but actually they can calm you down and stop the compulsive thoughts. And if you're going to be awake anyway, might as well at least not be in a horrible dark room rolling about with nothing else to do but think!
You don't have to have a "good reason" to feel depressed. It's not something you choose to do so it's not something you have to justify!

[MisterT373]

ravenmum I don't know whether me waking up is due to the citalopram or just due to my current body clock. I'd hate to take it earlier and then be awake 6 hours after I take it at 2am! I am finding when I wake up I have the shakes and so tend to just lay there. I'd love a good nights sleep.....

[BackInTheRoom]

I completely understand how you feel. I recently started taking Fluoxetine and Diazepam as I've just split from my partner after 20 years. It was a complete shock. I keep waking up around 4-4.30am and once I open my eyes I'm so AWAKE with anxiety!!!

[wombattoo]

Mister I hope you start to see an improvement soon. It sounds terrible for you

[CrazyCatLady13]

When I had a depression relapse my gp gave me a few days worth of temazapam to help with the night time anxiety, would it be worth speaking to them about this? It really helped me until the increased dosage of anti depressants kicked in. The nights are the worst time for me as well.

[MisterT373]

Now I can sleep until 6am but cant get to sleep because of the damn heart and mind racing when I turn the light off. For a moment the other evening I felt things were a little calmer and I was getting hopeful. Now this afternoon a massive wave of anxiety has pretty much flattened me and I am all over the place at work. Desperately trying to focus and do stuff and trying not to run away and curl up and die.

[uglyflowers]

I've been there op. It eventually gets better. I read a lot of books because it helped me to distract myself Fromm my thoughts. I also walked everywhere so I would wear myself out more and hopefully sleep better. Also I listened to the radio, the world service, at night to distract myself from my negative thoughts. Good luck. It will get better x

[toptoe]

I disagree - in the scheme of things breaking up with someone is a big deal. It really knocks your self confidence and the anxiety that can cause is massive. Hence the night wakings and the thoughts running through your head.

But the pain is temporary, day by day it does ease. You are a couple of months into the shock of it, so I would say you are at the point when you will start to see little improvements that will gather pace so that one day you'll realise you hadn't thought of it all day!