Arguing often because of life pressure/tiredness..

[Colourfulpast1975]

Sorry for the lame title, I didn't know how to explain. Dh and I have been together for 15 years and we have 2 ds. We both work full time, I work from home, he works from an office. Kids are 9 and 13.

We have just been trough a bad patch because he was on a project. When he is on a project, he tend to be very distracted and pretty much only thinking about said project, he also has to work longer hours on some days while I'm picking up the slack for everything else.

This situation regularly happens. Last week I have snapped, I was making dinner and he told me he was going to be late at the time he was supposed to be back. I do pretty much everything that needs to be done in the house from paying the bills to meal planning, food shopping, cooking,holidays organising, everything bar the laundry and ironing his shirts. We are lucky enough to have a cleaner coming every weeks but I still find it hard to cope having to make sure everything is paid, everything is done...it's like I have no headspace for anything else but chores.

I lost it at the beginning of the week and I have said horrible stuff to dh..we have since made up and I'm trying to find solutions to make our lives easier but I'm stuck loss at what to do. I can't work less. I'm feeling horrible I have lost it but I was exhausted. Have you been in my situation ? I hope I don't drip feed too much !

[pallasathena]

Me time. One night a week I do nothing. Glass or two of wine, dinner made and frozen day before; long hot bath, cleans sheets on the bed, good book and 'do not disturb' sign on door - bliss!

[Resilience16]

Why can't you work less? On the two occasions I've reduced my hours, I have initially worried about the drop in income, but after the first month or so you just kind of absorb it and get used to it.
The benefits in terms of more me time/ quality family time/ decrease in stress have far outweighed the loss in pay.
Something to consider maybe.
Otherwise you need to be discussing a redistribution of household chores with your partner. The kids are old enough to start pulling their weight too, if they don't already.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

I'm trying to find solutions to make our lives easier What?!

It is him that is shirking. It is him that has to find the solutions.

You lost it when he said he was dumping his work on you again. He knows you will no longer accept him shirking his share, right? So what is he planning to do about it

I certainly wouldn't work less myself to do his share of the housework because he refuses to work less. Fuck that.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

How did you make up? Did he say he would handle the project differently? Hire a housekeeper for laundry, meal planning, shopping and cooking? What did he offer up that you were willing to forgive him and make up?

[adora1]

What is HE doing?

Sounds like you do everything which is totally unfair and not what a healthy relationship is about, he's no more important than you, no wonder you lost it, I couldn't live with someone this selfish.

[Colourfulpast1975]

He promised that from next week he will cook on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday. We have been there before. I felt sick this morning again, I don't trust him. He is going to help for a week to keep me sweet then things will be bad again...I'm sorry I'm just feeling down..few years ago he said we needed to maximise our earnings well I did that and I enjoy what I do but it's hard and I shouldn't have to do everything.

[Timeforabiscuit]

There is an app on the bbc which splits the household responsibilities and the time taken to do each one.

Working through it together really really helped, i had no idea how much admin he was routinely doing that was unseen (dinner money, window cleaner etc), likewise i was doing all the drop offs and pickups which took an hour and a half each day rather than swanning into work.

It so much harder to have a rational conversation when your tired and hungry, so save it for when your relatively relaxed and prep for it like a business meeting.

Good luck

[pinkpeter1]

What's the app called?

[Timeforabiscuit]

Think it was bbc womens hour chore wars, cant link on pad.

[WipeYourFeet]

It's here
play.bbc.co.uk/play/pen/gx75fj6kf9

OP I'm in the same situation. Right now I'm sitting in the baby's room pretending I'm still getting her to sleep because I'm too angry to face my DH.