Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How do I feel?

8 replies

brokenv · 06/09/2016 19:27

Married for 15 years have 4 kids. My husband and I married young and fast ... From the beginning our relationship was hard, he was gone a lot becuase of his work. I was always at home with our kids. From the beginning I had a very good male friend who is my oldest's child God father. My husband always accused me of cheating with him, which I did not. For 14 years I found myself defending myself and lost a good friendship because of it. Husband got more and more distant over the years and always chose time with work and his co-workers over me and our family, besides the fact that he had been emotionally and verbally abusive since we found out I was pregnant with our last child. Then 12 years into our marriage he decided to take a job that would take him out of state. I asked him not to take it becuase our marriage was already on thin ice. He took it anyway and we fought constantly even over the phone, he began to block me from calling him for days, then it turned into months. I felt so alone, that I found comfort in another man's arms. I definitely wasn't happy I did it, I felt horrible. Husband then comes home after blocking me and not talking to me for months and begs me for a second chance, I was very hesitant but I agreed. A couple of days later he found out about my infedelity, when he asked me I told him the truth. For days he threatened to leave me and kept going back and forth between it being his fault, my friends fault, then his fault. He finally confessed to me that he was cheating on me with some girl he knew for months while we were engaged and right before we were married ... So many emotions right now ... I don't know how to feel about all this. Any thoughts????

OP posts:

Report

richteaaddict · 06/09/2016 19:52

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Report

Iamdobby63 · 06/09/2016 19:55

Was his cheating recent or in the past?

I guess you really need to think on how you actually feel about your husband and whether this marriage is worth trying to save.

Report

EmmaMacgill · 06/09/2016 20:04

My husband always accused me of cheating with him, which I did not.

From this bit on I was waiting for the part where you foud out he was cheating. I'm so sorry, do you know how long this has been going on? Is he still with her?
Only you can make this decision, marriages have survived affairs but it takes work and understanding on both sides. Sometimes all the other stuff just destroys a relationship.
Take your time and don't be rushed into anything. Look after yourself, don't forget to eat and sleep even if you don't feel like it.

Report

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 06/09/2016 20:04

Based on what you've written, I would expect you to feel like "Phew! That's a relief. Now we can just end this misery"

Or "Ah ha! That's why he was so convinced I would cheat with a good friend. It's because that is exactly what he was already doing."

Or "Ah ha! He has been going through a string of women while away. That explains why he blocked me and was so distant. It all makes sense now. I wonder what happened to cause the trying again stuff? Maybe he had a particularly bad break up with the latest girlfriend. I wonder if I'm going to get a phone call from a pregnant teenager."

I could think of a whole bunch more.