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Breaking up

(21 Posts)
GemmaRalph Mon 05-Sep-16 12:23:27


2 weeks ago my boyfriend had a 'wobble' about our relationship and then instantly the next morning said he'd made a massive mistake (I have another thread going).

The past few days we've been bickering and he's been snappy. Last night he did it again and I snapped back and told him he was driving me mad. Today he's text me -

Last night killed me seeing you react like that. I know what I'm doing when I'm getting short and snappy, I'm subconsciously just pushing you to the breaking point. I feel I am making the relationship horrible until we break up. I love you and I honestly can't see my life without you and Ralph but I'm clearly not happy, which means I make you miserable. I've had no patience or sympathy for you in recent weeks which is wrong. I don't want to take you to breaking point!

I'm obviously devastated. This is the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We're in the middle of buying a house and the thought of being with anyone else makes me want to be alone forever.

Has anyone experienced this?

I know the right thing to do is walk away. There's no point being in an unhappy relationship.

PastoralCare Mon 05-Sep-16 12:34:24

He tried to find an excuse that in his eyes was not too harsh, but it seems he's just not interested anymore.

TheNaze73 Mon 05-Sep-16 16:20:42

I agree, he's doing damage limitation here & wants out. Sorry to say op flowers

Backtoschoolyay Mon 05-Sep-16 16:39:45

Don't buy the house. He is treating you badly and knows it. I remember your other thread and I think you were generous to give him the benefit of the doubt straight away.

GemmaRalph Mon 05-Sep-16 18:23:34

It's done, were finished.

I feel like total utter shit but I know that this is the right thing to do & in 6 months time I'll thank myself.

I've started looking at properties for me and have some viewings tomorrow. Don't see the point in putting my life on hold and not achieving the things I want to because this has happened.

ImperialBlether Mon 05-Sep-16 18:25:11

It's always horrible when a relationship ends, but worse to live with someone who's snappy and only feels lukewarm towards you.

Are you able to afford somewhere on your own?

gildedcage Mon 05-Sep-16 18:40:33

Hi Gemma, I remember your last thread. I'm sorry to hear your update. I'm glad you have taken your own future in your hands. I wish you wellflowers.

I'd gird your loins though for him coming back in 6 months when he's realised the grass isn't greener.

GemmaRalph Mon 05-Sep-16 20:49:24

I can afford to buy on my own but obviously not quite what I'd like to buy what with it being only my money.

I know it passes and I just have to get through this crappy phase.

Just feel lonely and sad right now.

fastdaytears Mon 05-Sep-16 20:52:13

So sorry to hear this. I remember your other thread because this happened to me (the night before we were about to move...)

Of course he panicked and tried a lot to get another try but I stood my ground. Honestly the hardest thing ever but I couldn't trust him after all that.

Mistykit Mon 05-Sep-16 21:03:06

My ex did similar, but he dragged it out over 2 months... couldn't make his mind up if he wanted me or not. It's such a struggle and I'm glad to hear that you walked away instead of letting it drag out. i cut contact with him today-you need to do that in order to move on. I know it's hard and it is lonely. Try to keep yourself busy with viewings and getting your own place sorted.

Do not go back if he asks - he will do the same again I expect and it will destroy you over time if he prolongs it and messes with your head.

GemmaRalph Mon 05-Sep-16 23:00:38

I'm finding this so difficult. I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind and keep myself occupied but I feel physically sick.

He's sleeping on the sofa until he finds a place and knowing that after 3 years of time together this is what it's come to is absolutely breaking me.

My heads a mess. I want to sleep but I can't so I've tried watching something and I can't focus.

Resilience16 Tue 06-Sep-16 04:18:09

You are doing the right thing.
It's a horrible situation and I know it feels very painful now but you will get through it.
You had a life before you met him and you will have a life after he has gone.
Keep busy,focus on knowing you are doing the right thing and get through it day by day.
Good luck x

GemmaRalph Tue 06-Sep-16 07:31:17

Thanks. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

I got about 4 hours sleep last night which was more than I expected.

fastdaytears Tue 06-Sep-16 07:43:01

3 years seems like a long time I know but it's not compared to spending the rest of your life with someone so selfish and unreliable.

You might have said this before but how old are you?

LellyMcKelly Tue 06-Sep-16 08:01:00

Well done on finding the strength, Gemma. He's put you through enough. You've done the right thing. flowers

Mistykit Tue 06-Sep-16 10:26:09

I went to the doc yesterday and they put me on anti-depressants & sleeping pills. I need to calm the chaos in my head and the loneliness was killing me (almost literally). You may want to consider a doc appointment if you continue to feel as you are now.

You need to get him out of the flat. Surely he can stay somewhere else? You can't properly grieve or even start to get over it while he is still there.

GemmaRalph Tue 06-Sep-16 11:45:43

Thanks for the replies. It does bring me a lot of comfort. I'm 27.

Feeling stronger today. I had an interview this morning with an amazing company & they'd like to see me again. I also have two viewings on places I can afford on my own, in the meantime I've asked my landlord if he will consider a reduction in my rent. Probably inappropriate but it's not cheap & I want to stay there for now.

Just trying to keep myself busy and focused. I'm sure there will be ups and downs but I'm a good girlfriend and I deserve someone who respects me & truly wants me!

GemmaRalph Tue 06-Sep-16 11:46:43

Sorry you're feeling low Mistykit. Here if you'd like to chat x

GemmaRalph Wed 07-Sep-16 20:06:23

Today has been horrific. Please tell me how long until this gets easier?

I have all my friends around me but I feel so lonely and sad.

I stupidly tortured myself today and read through about 2 years of text messages sad

fastdaytears Wed 07-Sep-16 20:50:38

Bit longer yet love!

Delete the texts now!

Mistykit Wed 07-Sep-16 21:16:57

It'll be ok. It always is. My ex is dating now. It's tough, but you have to be tougher. It sounds like the loneliness comes in waves... if so, then you need to have a plan for when you feel it.. maybe go for a walk? Play with a pet? Call over to a friend? If walking, go somewhere not too coupley which may make you feel even more lonely.

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