ExH Coercive control of DD 19

[longtermsinglemummy]

If breaks my heart. It's like history repeating itself.

They're away on holiday. He's abusing the all inclusive bar and getting belligerent and aggressive (not physically). She's feisty and does stand up for herself but it makes him worse. He thinks it's funny to constantly make jokes at her expense, just as he did with me, and he's downright unkind to her. She's wonderful and kind and sensitive, and doesn't deserve any of this. I left him 14 years ago and we're still engulfed in this.

I spent last night on the phone to her, she was in tears most of the conversation. She doesn't want to be there, she doesn't like him and I'm scared he will impact on her future relationships. Just as it has to me...essentially single for 14 years because I can't trust anyone and don't like myself.

I could do with some advice as to how to deal with this.

[HappyJanuary]

Well she's 19 so she doesn't have to see him ever again if she doesn't want to, and she certainly doesn't have to go on holiday with him.

Where are they on holiday, and how long is left?

If she's in the UK she can make her way home, or you can collect her.

It's obviously more difficult if they're abroad and she may be able to avoid him and sit it out for a few days.

I wouldn't contact him yourself, he will get defensive and may challenge her about complaining to you.

When he's sober, can she tell him how his behaviour impacts her?

[SandyY2K]

Why did she go away with him?

She's an adult and is able to refuse. How much longer is the holiday?

Can she get up early and spend time by the pool. In the spa? Anywhere he isn't basically.

[longtermsinglemummy]

They're back on Monday afternoon.

I just feel so sorry and disappointed that she's going through exactly the same thing I did. That he thinks it's ok to treat her the way he does. They're in Spain but I did suggest her flying home. She felt it would cause more issues as a result.

[coconutpie]

Tell her you'll book her a flight home. She's 19 - she doesn't have to see him ever again if she doesn't want to.