Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dealing with DPs airing views

4 replies

MagikarpetRide · 02/09/2016 15:33

When I grew up my DM was a lovely embracing woman who taught me to take people as they were and not to judge them by colour/religion/etc. She is an immigrant herself and married outside her religion so it was important for her that myself and my siblings were open to others. We lived in a small town so it was a view quite contrary to other people's parents at the time, and my own DF and gps.

As time has moved on my family have gotten more and more anti others. My siblings help feed my DFs views and now my DM is beginning to be very vocally nasty about people. Today's random outburst for instance that was some people should be pulled from council housing and left to rot on the streets because they live a lifestyle she doesn't like.

DM used to temper my DF so I always felt safe that my dc wouldn't be exposed to that sort of nastiness. But now it can be a free for all. There are people of other races/religions/lifestyles on their own DFs side. DH himself isn't too happy with these views being aired in front of the DCs either.

We only visit them due to their physical inability to get to us, so visiting is pretty limited anyway. I'm seen as some sort of lunatic for getting upset over today's outburst. I couldn't head it off because it came from nowhere. Is there a way out of this without going nc?

OP posts:

Report

MagikarpetRide · 02/09/2016 15:45

Sorry, I'd edited this loads so it didn't go on forever.

I meant to leave in that I do know they are entitled to their views just as I'm entitled to disagree with them. I just don't want my kids filled with the bile. It's big for me as my gps often spouted this sort of bile when we were younger, quite often about my dms ethnicity which is where my siblings have gotten the impression that it's ok from, and my clinging to the openness lessons from!

OP posts:

Report

Blueshoessingloose · 02/09/2016 16:18

Tell them you don't want any racial/religious/status comments around the children and leave early if they start.

Report

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/09/2016 16:57

How old are the DC?

It is good if they see you challenge the -isms. Excellent life lesson.

Report

MagikarpetRide · 02/09/2016 17:10

The not wanted comments around the Dc has been brought up before. Dm used to monitor the situation with df especially but others and all was good. The last few months otoh dm has joined in with it. When I challenge, I am the problem apparently.

The dc are 4 and 6. They've already repeated some things they heard from other places so we've had some chats about it not being acceptable. I'm not naive enough to know they won't ever hear this stuff, but I also know from experience it's a losing battle when 'but granny and grandad said' is the answer.