I have a male friend who I have known for about 6/7 years or so.
History: we have dated briefly but are not compatible so reconfigured things to the friend zone quite easily although we don't speak every day or anything.
He is a good friend in a practical sense - will help me with things like my car or DIY, I am a friend he likes to talk to for advice. We get on well and I trust him.
He has never had a serious girlfriend and from dating him, I know exactly why. This bothers him now he is mid thirties and he can get very depressed (real, medical type depression). I care about him and don't like to see him depressed and I worry about him.
Recently he has been asking for advice about a relationship breakup and I gave it to him, I listened and 'hmmm-ed'. I was sympathetic to him over it etc.
She clearly was way too young for him - not long out of her teens, seemed to have a lot of emotional problems and life issues and it sounds like he became a kind of big brother/father she always wanted to him. Then when he wanted more commitment she legged it. I think he can see it wasn't really a good relationship but not why he isn't a good boyfriend. He was really gutted.
Anyway he has decided to get over this girl by dating another girl. He showed me a photo and told me about her. She is stunning and sounds nice and keen. And although I wish him the best I felt overwhelmingly like I wanted to say to him the brutal truth of why he is forever single and things he could do to perhaps give him more of a chance, but then I don't want to be a brutal bitch.
He is quite good looking and works out. But where he lives is an absolute shit hole. I really can't see this glamorous lady being able to see past all the grot to what a nice guy he is. If she wants to go inside she would have to navigate her way through 20 washing machines and a few car engines. Then even if he gets his place cleaned by a cleaner, it's still a stinky old crappy house. He doesn't do his laundry properly, doesn't buy proper food or have clean cups or plates. And he doesn't think this is important really. Whenever I have tried to help it only lasts for a few weeks. His dress sense has improved a little bit (I made him throw away things with actual holes in).
He also only really likes what he likes and doesn't really like doing things that other people may like. So he only has a few films that he loves, and a few albums and if you like something different, he can quite bluntly brand everything as crap. I have also tried to point out this isn't very helpful when you want to get to know a woman, but he feels that someone has to just accept what he likes is good and what they like he thinks is crap. It's almost like he feels obliged to broadcast the thoughts everyone has inside their head and keeps private. It also makes conversation REALLY hard as he just kind of scoffs at everyone else's interests.
So if someone comes to you for advice, how bluntly should you go with a man?
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Brutal honesty with male friends
21 replies
Myusernameismyusername · 30/08/2016 17:57
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