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Please help prepare me for the emotionally aspects of divorce.

(2 Posts)
spad Sat 27-Aug-16 23:34:31

Just that. I still can't believe that it is something I am choosing to do but I know it is my only really choice.

How bad does it get?

What are the emotional lows?

How can I prepare?

tia

pallasathena Sun 28-Aug-16 07:32:07

It depends on the circumstances. Are you angry, sad, relieved, calm or just numb at the prospect of divorce? Depending upon your answer, your emotional lows will range from barely registering on the richter scale to a massive point nine: you will be unable to eat, sleep or think clearly.
I think it depends on longevity (how many years you were together) investment (kids, mortgage, financial stuff) and whether or not the love you had still remains.
For me, and it was many, many years ago I fell into the calm category. I'd worked it all out in my head, decided I'd had enough and the divorce bit became part of a bigger project to get myself and my kids into a better situation in every way possible.
I was left with anger as I recall. Anger at myself for falling for such a twat and anger at him for being such a twat! But that was it. I created a fantastic life from the ashes of a dead marriage and I have absolutely no regrets at all.
But you have to be strong. You have to have a conviction that you are valuable, have rights and will not be treated badly ever again. You have to become assertive in that knowledge and you have to want to be happy. When you start putting what you want before what anybody else wants, then you don't find yourself in any emotional pain at all. By the time the absolute came through, I was practically dancing in the street. By then, I had no love left for him, just contempt and I think that helped me manage my emotions somehow. There was nothing left to salvage. There was nothing left at all except me, my kids and the future.

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