How mediation works?

[myownperson]

My understanding is that solicitor can refer us to a mediator, or we can find out own. A mediator would then facilitate the discussion.

I think we can agree child contact fairly easily. Already going well.

But I'm stumped about how we work out the financial agreement. I don't know what would be typically considered "fair". My main concern being that I'm likely to want to keep things "nice". I don't know where to start with pensions etc.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

The starting point is 50/50. Would that work for you?

[myownperson]

I think we'd end up quite a bit away from 50/50. SAHM, DH earnings have doubled in that time. He has a good pension. Two children, one still young.

My current home is jointly owned and we both agree I stay in it. Its a case of until when, spousal maintenance - until when. Pension arrangements?. Eg, How do I know whether 10% of his pension is reasonable - or 50%? Don't know where to start. I'm looking less for specific solutions than understanding what the guide is for discussion. Is it simply whatever we think?

[myownperson]

Bump in case anyone has any advice.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Ok. How much money is there first off?

[myownperson]

Not enough to warrant court proceedings. Assuming that's what you are wondering? Only about £150k equity, savings £15k (currently split) salary about £70k. So really does need to be a cheap mediated process.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

So you could split it 50/50 with you taking more of the equity and less of the pension and savings

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

You would probably need all the equity in order to house yourself he on the other hand will be able to get another mortgage for himself with his high salary

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Main priority is housing for children

[myownperson]

Thanks ThisIsStartingToBoreMe. Its difficult to explain what I am struggling with. I get what the negotiables are but if we were solicitors negotiating an out of court settlement we would presumably both be aware of what the court would consider fair.

But I haven't a clue in approaching mediation. So is an extra 20% equity reasonable in lieu of pension fair or an extra 80%?! (Random figures). I have no idea what is reasonable.

[MrsBertBibby]

You need to see a solicitor for proper advice about what is fair.

Preferably, before mediation.

If you get a deal in mediation, you then should go back to the solicitor who willadvise on fairness. If you both decide to stick to the agreement, thevlawyer can then do the paperwork to get a consent order. If either of you decides nt to stick to the agreement, you are back to square 1.

[MrsBertBibby]

The question of offsetting pension against equity is really hard, there's no right answer. You are comparing apples with pears. My preference is always to equalise pension funds separately, but it isn't always possible.

Please see a solicitor, a decent one should be able to give you enough advice to enable you to go into mediation with open eyes.

[myownperson]

Thank you.

I have appointed a solicitor but she wasn't very specific about the mediation. It's at a very early stage. Hmmm.... Maybe she will cover this more before mediation.

She did say offsetting equity/pension wasn't necessarily the best thing to do.

So if I don't get a "good deal" through mediation she'd advise on this when I take it back to her?

FWIW not trying to get everything I can, I want us to both live as best we can. The problem is I dread the process so much I'd nearly rather just settle for whatever he thinks is reasonable.