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Having a wobble- help!

(4 Posts)
user1470781081 Thu 25-Aug-16 21:42:39

I have started the wheels in motion to leave my partner and father of our 2 DC. In fact I started another thread last week or so in relationships I think under another username and got some lovely advice and encouragement from other mumsnetters which I really appreciate!

I know deep down I really should leave. But I'm having a wobble and it's mainly due to "what if I'm fucking up the kids lives?"

I don't want to give too much away but basically:

It's a toxic and abusive relationship. He has sexually abused me the lovely people at women's aid were adamant about that. He is vindictive and plays mind games with me. He's got me into £1000s of debt in my name by applying for credit cards and catalogues in my name without my say so. I can't bear to be around him. I don't love him anymore I know that. I actually think if I stay I'll top myself eventually just to get away from him coz he reminds me of all the hurt he's caused and how much I hate myself.

But leaving means: uprooting my kids and moving into a refuge most likely. I've been advised to not let them see their dad for a while (he's Horrendous when I've left before so called suicide attempts and stuff). My daughter might have to change school. She will be devastated. She will have to leave behind her pet rabbits at least until we have somewhere else to live that isn't a refuge. They will have to leave behind the dog which is their dads dog. My son has autism and possible adhd and spends most of his time when not watching tv on the trampoline relentlessly bouncing. I know this all sounds so petty and stupid but I'm terrified I'm going to ruin their lives. That they will hate me and never forgive me. Going without them is never going to happen I would never ever leave them behind.

Basically I guess I'm asking... If I leave is it the right thing? For them I mean? I'm losing my nerve I think.

Bubblebath01 Thu 25-Aug-16 22:05:08

If you believe it is the right thing then act. Short term inconvenience and distress will be countered by long term gains. There will be tears, but if you do believe long term it is in yours and the children's interests, you need to act. The other scenario is that you will be in a similar position in 2,3, or more years time. If you truly believe this is the correct course, then in in 2,3 or more years time you and the children will be starting to a more stable position and starting to rebuild. Your children will forgive you, but it will not be immediate, and will take a couple of years to fully cement. If you don't will you have to in the future, when disruption is more traumatic to them? I cemented an abusive relationship for many years, when it eventually disengaged, the fallout was immeasurable, I'm still in shock one year on, and the damage to my children is immense. Almost better to start afresh while they are young and they will appreciate in the long term that you acted to provide safety and security for them.

debbs77 Thu 25-Aug-16 22:18:43

Stay strong! You can do it. Your children deserve for you to do it. As do you xx

Missgraeme Thu 25-Aug-16 22:23:20

Think what the bad stuff is doing to them. They won't hate u for leaving all that.
But they might if u stay.....

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