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Struggling

(2 Posts)
freerunner75 Tue 23-Aug-16 22:03:23

Hi all... Haven't been here for a while but I hope you guys can help with some worldly advice please for my stupid head.

I will keep this as brief as I can.

Left a physically abusive relationship 10 years ago with 2 small children in tow. Kids are now teenagers and don't see their real dad anymore due to his temper and drinking.

Met a new chap and eventually moved in with him to his home town (about twenty minutes from where I lived previously). Had to move this way due to his business (although with hindsight..: he is self employed so could have moved to us!) moved from a very nice area to a not very nice area.... But thought it would only be temporary as he said we would rent for a couple of years to 'bed in' then buy somewhere together. We ended up moving to his parents house which they sold to him for a discounted price ( I had no say and wasn't allowed on the mortgage)... Massive bone of contention.. I hate it

My children moved to a new school where now 4 years later they are settled.

My main concern is my teenage lad... He has got caught up with drugs (weed) ... Using and.. Gutted to the core to say... Dabbled in selling.. I found out by accident when trying to tidy his bedroom so the Oh didn't go bonkers... I found everything 😢. Dealt with that I thought and went through all the issues and outcomes of it with my son (15yrs)... He got himself a little job and was going ok. Today... OH went to his room and found it in a state and told me to go and check it.... On kneeling on the bed (as the floor was covered in rubbish) I discovered a lighter under my sons pillow and empty 'codeine' packets of a prescribed drug. I asked my son when the came home and he said he was 'looking after' them for a mate who had been trying to use them to replicate a drink that rappers make to get high.... I broke down.. He and I agreed (him very reluctantly) to go though his room.... He showed me a chain broken off a fence from a local park.. I asked him why he Had it and he said he was again looking after it... I explained that 'looking after things' would get him in serious trouble... To which he said that he wouldn't get in trouble as he knows how to clean stuff up and get rid of it. My world fell apart right there... What has happened to my son??? I feel like moving him to this area has pushed him in with a dodgy crowd and I feel so helpless... My OH told him that he was stupid and that if the police caught up with him and came to the house here... That my son, my daughter and I would be out on our ear as he doesn't want police at his house..:

I'm in bits.... I have no idea how to deal with this..., grounding my son won't work as I work full time so it's impossible to police him being at home..... Have tried giving him a curfew but he just doesn't come home (happened once to be fair but still). And my oH... Wtf??? He said he said that to shock my son but why the hell would anyone say such a thing?? Am mortified and feel very alone right now.

My relationship is rocky as it is... I think I have gotten into another controlling relationship but this time emotionally rather than physically. (there is a lot more I could go into) I just want to pick my kids up and run but can't find the strength and don't know if that's the right thing to do.,,,,

Any advice hugely appreciated thank you 😔

K

Kittencatkins123 Tue 23-Aug-16 22:55:03

Hello!
I hope you are okay. To be brutally honest, I used to use the 'looking after things for a friend' excuse when I was young and mum found booze/cigarettes (I appreciate this is a bit more serious!)

I think you need external help - why don't you contact FRANK www.talktofrank.com/worried-about-a-child
You can chat to them and they will be able to give you expert advice on tackling this with your son without alienating him.

Re your OH - can you contact Womens Aid for help 0808 2000 247 helpline@womensaid.org.uk

Or talk to friends/family?

I hope you are okay flowers

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