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Don't know how to cope with violent ex

(2 Posts)
lisa89pan Sat 20-Aug-16 11:05:31

Hi guys, really need some input here. My main question is should I continue to let my ex take our children (aged 18 months and 16 weeks) out when he refuses to tell me where he takes them or allow him to see them at a contact center to rebuild trust?
I'll give you some background info, we had been together for almost 10 years. We were engaged and had our first little one. We had daft arguments but these were nothing major then when our lo was 6 months old we found out we were expecting again. This is where things turned, he immediately asked me to terminate. I refused. Long story short he started to get violent during arguments, shoving me around. Pushing me down on the couch, shaking me. He had done it with the lo in my arms, even when I was a week away from giving birth. The final straw was when I had my newborn in my arms and he slapped me/strangled me and caught the baby. He didn't car that he had hurt the baby. He blamed the baby and me for his actions. He was gone a little over a week after that.
He jumped straight into a relationship with another woman who has a daughter, since then he has refused to spend more then a couple of hours with our sons. Refused to pay maintenance (child maintenance service are now applying for it to be taken out of his wage). He has taken every bit of furniture we had (he had paid for it when we first moved in whilst I covered bills) including the washer/cooker e.t.c
He took the contract phone he gave me and has now given it to his new partner, she is now constantly messaging me about my relationship with my ex and my children. (They have been together 7 weeks now, we broke up 9 weeks ago). The children were to attend their uncles wedding with their dad, my ex asked if I would be happy for his new partner to go. I said no as we had both agreed that no one will meet the children till the relationship had lasted 6 months. I have now found out that he lied to me (he said the boys were more important and that his gf wouldn't be going), his gf was there the while day and to top it off she was the one looking after my children. A complete strangers who I have no idea about was feeding/changing/holding and playing with my children sad due to him lying and the fact that when he does have the children for a few hours he doesn't change their nappies and also the fear that he will do something to my youngest in some sort of spiteful revenge (he had already bruised my lo previously) i have come to the idea that he would be best seeing them in a contact center to ensure that they are safe and can be looked after.
I don't want my boys growing up without their dad so stopping contact is just not an option.
Really appreciate any advice given, thank you

Missgraeme Sat 20-Aug-16 11:13:06

He bruised one of your kids yet you still want to send them off with him?? He has ob got great resentment towards them and it sounds unsafe to let him have them unsupervised. Let the courts decide. If he has changed (?) he needs to prove it. Personally you should be thankful he has a caring gf or they would be in bigger danger.

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