I was in an abusive relationship with a man who was very covert at administering emotional abuse...it mainly consisted of neglect (simply thought he was a bit inconsiderate) taking away my privacy (just assumed he was a blabbermouth) and undermining my self confidence eg telling me he'd spent a lot of money on previous girlfriends without acting the same way to me and similar things (just thought he was tactless) I am not sure this abuse was intentional but connected more to.the fact he was very self absorbed and could therefore be thoughtless to other people's feelings however the end result for me was the same.
The physical abuse can't be excused the same way of course.
Recently I found out he had been badmouthing me to his friends and a member of his family and that this had been going on for sometime. Eg from over sharing about arguments but leaving out the real cause or bending it, making me look like the baddy or unreasonable to downright lies suggesting I was unhinged.
I know this is textbook but my question is to anyone who has been on the receiving end of one of these smear campaigns how do you get over the anger of being lied about? How do you detach from it and quell the urge to contact the people you've been lied about to and tell them the truth (this isn't an option they are his friends and family and he has done such a job on me they all think I'm insane). I haven't been lied about since junior school and aside from the shock of encountering it in the adult world I think there is something about being lied about that hits a certain part of the phyche making it hard to stomach and I'm having trouble detaching from the unfairness of it. Especially as the people he lied to are still spreading the rumours.
I know it's part of some script that physical abusers use to preempt their victim talking and being believed but to experience it first hand...I can't let it go. How do you turn off to it stop wanting to sue for slander (impossible it seems) and consign the unfairness to the bin?
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Relationships
Abusive dp bad mouthing me to people
21 replies
Smearcampaign · 11/08/2016 06:07
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