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Advice needed, work collegue

(3 Posts)
Movingonwards Wed 10-Aug-16 10:25:51

Im 24 years old with 3 children, over a year ago my partner of 8 years tragically passed away and left us devastated, i was off sick from work for a couple of months as i struggling to come to terms with it but finally got a grip of myself and went back to work. I became really close with 1 of the guys at work, it started of as a bit of friendly chit chat but then i started to noticed there was a little tension between us and a bit of flirting on both sides.

Then it got complicated, 1 of my friends (friends through our kids, so not that close) was in the shop and started talking to the guy it then turned out they are brother and sister, the following week we were talking about him and she said that they barely talk because hes not allowed to speak to any of his family and that hes in an abusive realtionship, she went into more detail about what the gf had done to him in the past. Although i still really liked the guy i tried to distance myself and keep our relationship to just friendly chat (i didnt know he was in a relationship until the sister told me.

Last week when we were working together he was leaning over to pick a crate up and i noticed his back was black and blue, i asked what had happened and he broke down and told me about his relationship, he showed me other parts of his body that were cut and bruised ive never seen anything like it.

I gave him a hug and told him if he needed to speak to anyone i would be there and that was that.

Last night at work he asked me out on a date and said he had finished with his partner as she had beaten him again and he couldnt take anymore he said he could tell i liked him and that i had finally gave him the distraction he needed to get out the life that he is living with her.

I declined as much as i wanted to say yes for a few reasons, im not sure if its too soon to move on from the death of my partner and also the baggage that will come with his physco ex.

How would you deal with my situation, i feel so bad for knocking him back but doesnt feel right but im now having second thoughts on whither i should give him a chance.

HouseworkIsASin10 Wed 10-Aug-16 10:29:17

I think you did the right thing. He needs time on his own again, especially given the fact he could get back together with her.
You don't go from one relationship to another (rebound).
Just stay friends for now and be there for him. A new relationship with him should not be based on you being a crutch.

Easystreet52 Wed 10-Aug-16 10:58:22

I would be concerned if I were you especially with 3 children to think about. I think you you made the right decision. If nothing else it might actually be telling you that you are ready to date again but I don't think this man is the one currently.

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