Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Light at end of tunnel after separation

(10 Posts)
Dockydooda Mon 08-Aug-16 21:57:30

Just wanted to say to anyone like me who has been separated for a few mths that I'm finding that I'm feeling better now and it's slowly getting easier,when my husband left me in April I walked around like a zombie trying to be strong as I told people and faced the neighbours,here we are in August I've sorted finances as much as poss,yes money will be very tight and I'll always be worried for the children but I'm very lucky to have a roof over my head and lovely family and friends.the contact arrangements are ticking along,the wedding anniversary passed last week too.Good luck all

Blushingm Mon 08-Aug-16 22:16:51

I'd love to kiss and hug you to thank you

This is exactly what I needed today

Claraoswald36 Mon 08-Aug-16 22:20:26

Good for you op. In a year you will feel invincible! I know I do after 4 flowers

Dockydooda Mon 08-Aug-16 22:27:03

Thankyou so much Blushingm and Claraoswald36 !- First few wks I felt like I was under a giant magnifying glass it was so humiliating telling everyone ,of course I had to tell the children's teachers and so on.i know I'm gonna have ups and downs but other people's experiences really help!. How fantastic I'm looking forward to feeling invincible!!

user1470296287 Tue 09-Aug-16 02:09:44

Hi im in the same boat my husband left end of March and it was sudden with no warning. I was in a bad way for months and only just feeling able to go forward and try and pick up the pieces and build a new life.
I have decided to sell the marital home and rent somewhere for myself and 15yr old Son but at least i will be cutting all ties with him and in control of my own life without relying on him to meet me half way with morg/bills.
It does get easier but its a lot to take in and get used too after 18 yrs.

Wishing you all the love and luck in your new life and lets keep walking towards that light at the end of this tunnel...tiny steps but getting there.
M x

Blushingm Tue 09-Aug-16 08:45:17

18 years for me too

Dockydooda Tue 09-Aug-16 08:53:14

Hi user1470296287 thanks so much it's such a shock isn't it even if things weren't perfect,when u have kids you think they wouldn't leave unless they'd tried every avenue of mediation etc,we'd been together since '98 and married since '07.well done for cutting ties I'd love to do the same but renting would cost nearly double my mortgage which is £650 per mth.im looking for part time work after being a housewife for 10 years,wondering how to juggle everything but luckily lots of women around me doing exactly that and doing fab job.
18 years too for you Blushingm ,17 1/2 for me not sure if mid life crisis or what lol best wishes to all x

Claraoswald36 Tue 09-Aug-16 12:06:57

Hi again op my best advice is get in control, get in control of your finances, where you live, job, childcare, everything. Never lose control again. Ever. The best most empowering thing you can do for you and your dc is be independent. Don't be afraid to make big changes if it results in more control, routine and security.
Also until things settle/benefits or whatever are in place go for the tightest austerity budget then you can relax it in time. Since I separated I've never been overdrawn or accrued any debt but that took sobe serious penny counting in the beginning.
I got a lot of help and advice about managing money on the credit crunch boards here including getting free insulation and cutting down bills. I even signed up for consumer home trials and we are still enjoying free stuff from them - this month it was 2 bottles of laundry liquid for answering 4 questions grin

Dockydooda Tue 09-Aug-16 12:44:59

Hi claraoawald36 thank you so much that's really inspiring how you've got yourself so in control and thank you for the tips I will def check out those boards!.i quite enjoy budgeting as wierd as that sounds I need to find a job I'm pretty frightened about sudden bills cropping up such as a burst pipe or emergency repairs though I'm fully insured on house etc but there's always excess to pay such as on car insurance etc.ex has said he'll pay mortgage but he's also paying rent on 1 bed flat so it's prob not practical for too long.the independence thing is quite exciting is some ways I've got lovely family and friends though my family aren't nearby.thanks for advice re not bring scared yo make big changes I've just started to revise that even if we were together we may have moved or had financial difficulties at some point.best wishes

Dockydooda Tue 09-Aug-16 12:45:45

*started to realise not revise lol

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now