Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I need advice woman to woman

(12 Posts)
Greyhoundgal30 Sun 07-Aug-16 18:12:31

Hi ladies
This is my first post here so be kind.
I have been seeing my partner for 5 years. I'm separated from
My husband whom I have 3 children with , we co parent and get along fine.

My relationship with my boyfriend has never really progressed from dating, I'm so worried about upsetting my children. I have tried to talk to the older two before ( 16, 13) and my daughter becomes unbearable, hysterical and blames me for ruining the family.

My boyfriend is now saying he doesn't know if he wants to be with me as things have never progressed which I understand his
Point totally. I have never felt like he would fully be there for me if I tell my kids we are together so I've always been reluctant as the relationship has been up and down.

So now I'm just sitting here waiting for him to make up his
Mind about whether he chooses me. I feel utterly lost and torn, whichever way I go I hurt someone. If you have read this far Thankyou, I just needed a listening ear

Justaboy Sun 07-Aug-16 18:45:48

Probably not the advice you want from a bloke but you ought to cut your losses and get out of this mess it's not doing you any good or your children.

And..

"So now I'm just sitting here waiting for him to make up his
Mind about whether he chooses me"

Sod that! have some self worth seems that your rather down and low in mood that and your other problems with the children, not surprising?.

If he loved you and really cared for you then he'd be progressing this much further than he has done. You are saying yourself that its not working and it does look that it never will. Be a bit of pain calling it a day but in the long term it seems to me to be the right thing to do for you and them.

FreeFromHarm Sun 07-Aug-16 19:33:33

I agree move on .

HandyWoman Sun 07-Aug-16 20:58:19

You are not at all sure of this man, so why are you waiting to see if he chooses you?!

It sounds as though he isn't the one for you, so if you are happy to carry on 'dating' do that, but it sounds like things are faltering in which case it's much better to put this dating 'thing' out of its misery and move on.

SandyY2K Sun 07-Aug-16 21:10:11

I have been seeing my partner for 5 years. I'm separated from My husband

Are you still legally married?

I have tried to talk to the older two before ( 16, 13) and my daughter becomes unbearable, hysterical and blames me for ruining the family.

What have you talked to them about?

What exactly does she blame you for? Is it for not being with her dad? Was it your decision to leave the marriage?

I've always been reluctant as the relationship has been up and down.

If it's been like this perhaps it's time to move on.

Greyhoundgal30 Sun 07-Aug-16 22:05:32

Thanks for the replies, I know down in my heart the right thing to do but it's just hard. I have only ever spoken to my daughter about me and her dad separating nothing more, my children have not been exposed to any of this relationship, just wanted to
Point that out. And yes you're right I have lost all sense of self worth .

FreeFromHarm Sun 07-Aug-16 22:37:53

You are not worthless.
Is there a particular reason why you have not divorced yet ? Must be really unsettling for your children . They will be much more settled of a new relationship if things are concluded wouldn't you think ?

Greyhoundgal30 Sun 07-Aug-16 22:41:31

no real reason just haven't divorced, I think he was hoping we would reconcile . No I don't think a piece of paper makes a difference to the children they are always parented in the same consistent manner with two
Parents .

FreeFromHarm Sun 07-Aug-16 22:49:57

Was not questioning your parenting , you mentioned your daughter becomes hysterical , it is not just a piece of paper it is closure so you and the children can move on with your lives and possibly start again .
Sorry if you took it the wrong way .

pallasathena Sun 07-Aug-16 23:00:31

So you're going to do the 'pick me dance', are you?
Suggest you explore why you have such low self esteem through either counselling sessions or reading up on the subject.

Creampastry Mon 08-Aug-16 06:47:13

If you dp is having to decide if he wants to be with you, please walk away. You should have a dp who always wants to be with you.

clarrylove Mon 08-Aug-16 07:17:49

So are your kids aware of your BF? Is he frustrated that you haven't wanted to blend him in?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now