I'm Chinese. My husband he from a small country in West Africa (he Black).
My Chinese parents disapproved him due to his skin color. My mother give me TREMENDOUS pressure,
My mom force me to chose between her and my dad, or him (my husband). The day I married him was the day that my mom disown me/completely cut me off.
It hurts alot. When she is my mother--the woman who gave birth to me, bring me to this world. But belittle me, insult me, spit in my face and call me dirty. Said I'm dirty and full of shame.. In her eyes, I'm nothing but just a dirty and shameful girl.
It hurts alot you know; the woman who gave birth to me, but spit in my face.
If you ever have anyone spit in your face before, you know exactly how it feels. To me it is one of the worst thing that you can do to someone. I find that my mother spit in my face is worser damage (emotionally) than she slap me in my face. I rather have she just slap me in my face, to me that would be less painful than she spit in my face.
It hurts alot that my own mother is ashamed of me. She said she rather not gave birth to me.
It hurts alot that she my mom but called me 'Dirty'. She also called my future children dirty.. According to her words, my future children are equally 'Dirty' and shameful just like me--their mom.
She also said DO NOT ever bring those dirty grandchildren back to see her.
She make it very clear that when I'm pregnant, don't bring my dirty stomach back to see her, I'm not welcome nor is my dirty stomach.
I have zero regrets married him (the guy that my mother disapproved SOLELY due to his skin color).
He is an awesome husband. He loving and caring, and a devoted husband. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience. I make him jump through hoops for 2 years before I agree to be his girlfriend. And make him jump through hoops for another year into our committed relationship before I sleep with him.
Despite how much I test his love and patience, he still here, still love me unconditionally.
(Past or present) he treats me really really well, he loves me in every possible way that he can. I feel blessed to have him as a husband. I have zero regrets this lifetime.
And No, my husband is not a bum. My husband make $84,000 USD a year (sorry I use USD, we in USA).
He worries and secure everything from emotionally to financially, so I can live a stable steady and comfy life. The comfy life I'm living right now is he gives me. Everything I have right now is he gives me.
Thank you to him, a girl with No college degree who work a minimum wage job like me can live a stable and comfy life.
But it NOT about the money, it about his love for me. It about his devotion and persistent not giving up on our relationship.
But my mother don't care. It because he Black, that is why she disapproved him. Even till this day, my mother still haven't accept him as a son in-law, she just won't accept him at all.
It just so Unfair to him, seeing how my mother discriminate against him.
NEVER once my mother care enough to meet him. She very very unreasonable. She doesn't even care to know his name, let alone his jobs or who he is as a person. NEVER once she care enough to met him. She said alot of hurtful words. She discriminate against him and disrespect him when she never met him before, not even once. How fair is that to him? Why so Unfair to him?
My husband knows all about my mother disapproved him, discriminate against him and disrespect him.
He knows it all. He doesn't care that my mother discriminate against him.
He accepted everything. He accepted that this is our situation/circumstances. He face the situation and make the best out of it.
There No hate in his heart, there No resentment.. NEVER once I heard him say a word criticize my mother. NEVER once I heard him say a disrespectful word, a negative word or a bad word about my mother. NEVER once he complain a word about our situation/circumstances.
But then he never complain anyways. I Never heard him complain a word about his life, his jobs or anything life throw at him.. He said complain won't change anything. Don't run away, face the situation and make the best out of it.
He very patience, and very understanding of our situation (regarding my Chinese mother discriminate against him).
He understanding of my culture too.
All he asked me for is promise to Communicate with him, talk to him. We will face all the hardship together. My family disapproval of him, our huge cultural difference (I'm Chinese, he African).
Or whatever hardship throw at us; he believe we can make it. As long two people loves each others, two people willing to communicate with each others, willing to make the effort to work it out together.
We married, we happy. Marriage have been peaceful, sooo peaceful. Heck, we don't even fight or argue.
I know it is my husband patience and effort that hold our marriage together. Other men would probably give up a long time ago. But not him, he never give up on us. He the one that pressing for marriage, he the one that keen on get married.
I'm blessed, I need to treasure him. If my mother can't see him beyond his skin color, can't see him for his heart for who he is as a person, then that is her lost. I can't live my life keep waiting for my mother approval, I can't keep dwelling and grief over my mother. It time to let my mother go, and concentrate on my future with my husband.
Sorry for the long post Ms. OP. But I just want to share with you my situation/circumstances. You can do it Ms. OP, if you and your other half love each others, you will make it through. I wish you all the best. Good luck, be positive. The success of your relationship is up to you and your other half to maintaince.
Life is not fair, and sometimes you just have to choose. Like me, I was force to chose between my husband or my parents.