How do I stop being so PA?

[poocatcherchampion]

I had an argument with dh last night which wasn't resolved before sleep. I barely slept and remain hurt and annoyed.

We don't have much chance to talk as DC around and I have got other big things on my mind which this is a distraction from. But I am annoyed.

It is tempting to be really PA but I don't like the version of me that does that. Talking via the children, ignoring him etc
My normal is cheerful and loving and I am not feeling that.

Any good suggestions

[LetMeJustStepOnMySoapbox]

Just don't do it.

Talking via the children and ignoring someone is pathetic.

Either compartmentalise and mentally put it away to deal with it later, or stick a dvd on for the children, set a timer for 20 minutes and get it sorted.

[HeddaGarbled]

There is a middle ground between the two. Agree with PP, talking through the children is pathetic and childish, but you can manage essential communication without being chatty, cheerful and loving if you are genuinely not feeling those things. Can you get any space to yourself today? I find that helps me cool down and see both sides which then enables a more productive discussion once we've both cooled down.

[sarahnova69]

Don't be PA and talk though the children. They know what you're doing, they feel the tension and it's not fair on them.

If you can't snatch even 5 mins to speak, send your partner a text saying you are still upset and processing, but want to talk later. Be calm and cool and focus on what needs to be said and done for the kids. Then have a proper discussion later.

Is being passive-aggressive in relationships something you often struggle with?