Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What was the hardest/most difficult decission you have ever made (if you don't mind sharing)

(3 Posts)
thestairs Fri 15-Jul-16 03:45:25

Hello. Hi, if you don't mind sharing, what was the hardest/most difficult decission you have ever made? Whether it decission regarding family, love/marriage/relationship, health, work/career, anything..
Thank you very much for your time sharing your stories/experience.

I guess I go first. Sorry, warning: LONGGG post ahead.. I know everyone time is precious, so please skip it if you don't have a few minutes to spare.

I was force to chose between my parents or the guy who is now husband. My mom force me to chose between her and my dad, or him--(my husband). And I chose my husband.. Yup, I'm a very Unfilial daughter, I chose a guy over my parents.

My mom make it loud and clear that if I married him, she will completely cut me off. I fully know this and I still chose him, I'm a very Unfilial daughter.. My mom disown me off after I got married.
She said I make her "Lose Face", because I married my husband. Not only make her lose face to family, but also make her lose face to the Chinese community where she lives. She feels embarrassed and shameful about me.. She just hate me so much, she doesn't want anything to do with me.
I have No regrets that I chose my husband.. But it just hurts and hurts so much. In the Chinese culture, parents and family is VERY VERY important. And my parents disown me, I feel that a part of me is missing.

It just hurts and hurts and hurts alot. When she is my mother--the woman who gave birth to me, bring me to this world. But belittle me, insult me, spit in my face and call me dirty. Said I'm dirty and full of shame.. In her eyes, I'm nothing but just a dirty and shameful girl. My mother call me dirty--I'm dirty because I sleep with my husband. Yup, the guy who lawfully is my husband.

It hurts alot that my own mother is ashamed of me. She said she rather not gave birth to me.
It hurts alot that she my mom but called me 'Dirty'. She also called my future children dirty.. According to her words, my future children are equally 'Dirty' and shameful just like me--their mom.
She also said DO NOT ever bring those dirty grandchildren back to see her.
She make it very clear that when I'm pregnant, don't bring my dirty stomach back to see her, I'm not welcome nor is my dirty stomach.

I grief alot.. I grief that my future children won't have a maternal grandma like other people children. I grief when I see other people children have their maternal grandma love them, but my children? My children don't have that blessing.
In my mother eyes, according to her words--my children equally 'Dirty' and shameful just like me.. Children are innocent, I don't know why my mom have the heart to call my future children dirty, and call my stomach dirty. She make it very clear that when I'm pregnant, don't ever bring my dirty stomach back to see her.

Why my mom always call me dirty? I'm not dirty, my future children is not dirty. The guy I sleep with is my husband.. Why my mom insult me, spit in my face and call me dirty? It hurts so much.
If you ever have anyone spit in your face before, you know exactly how it feels.. I'm sorry but to me it is one of the worst thing that you can do to someone. I find she spit in my face is worser damage (emotionally) than she slap me in my face. I rather have my mom just slap me in my face, that would be less painful than she spit in my face.

I have zero family support. I have No family to turn to.. Family here I mean immediate family, my blood family. I'm not an orphan, I Know I have an immediate family, but it like I don't have any.

In the Confucianism Chinse culture, Unfilial is the top top biggest sin, lighting will hit those who unfilial to their parents. In our culture, we strongly believe that if you unfilial to your parents, when you have your own children, your children will be unfilial back to you.
I married the guy that my parents make it loud and clear that they disapproved.. Despite knowing that my parents will completely cut me off if I married him, and I still chose to married him.
I'm willing to let my parents disown me, I chose a guy over my parents.. In my culture, that is a big No-No, that is considered unfilial in Confuciansim culture teaching.

I know lightning will hit me one day, I know Karma will get me one day for being an unfilal daughter. I know when I have children, my children will be unfilial back to me. I deserve it.
But I feel sad for my husband, he doesn't deserve that. He always been a filial son, he very filial to his mother. He doesn't deserve his children be unfilial to him.

My mother always give me a very hard time and Tremendous pressure.. Everyday I struggle inside, torn between him and my parents. All the pressure my mom giving me, it just so much pressure from my mother.

I know my parents disapproved my husband, I know married him my parents will disown me. I tried not to love him, I tell myself I can't love him. I try really really hard not to love him, but how can I lie to myself--inside I know I love him.
He is a stand-up guy, a guy with strength of character. He does have one heck of strength of character.. I respect him for his strength of character, the more I respect him the more I love him. (To me, in order for me to fall in love--it have to originate from have respect for the guy; and his strength of character make me respect him and fall for him).
As much as I hate myself for chose him over my parents. As much as I hate to admit, but I love him. I grow to love him more everyday.. My feelings for him was dradual developement feelings. And now I'm at the point where I don't even know if I can function correctly without him. I know for sure I love him.

He is an awesome husband. He loving and caring, and a devoted husband. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience. He treats me really really well, he loves me in every possible way that he can. He loves me alot, perhaps he loves me too too much.. I feel blessed to have him as a husband. I have zero regrets this lifetime.
I have no regrets that I chose to married him. And as unfilial as it sounds--I have no regrets that I chose him over my parents.

I have no regrets this lifetime.. I just I grief alot over my mother. I wish there will be a beautiful day where my mother will stop discriminate against him, stop disrespect him, and accept him. I wish there will be a beautiful day where mom can see him for his heart, for who he is as a person instead of his ethnicity.
I wish that there will be a beautiful day where my husband will have a MIL. There will be a beautiful day where my future children will have a "maternal" grandma.
There will be a beautiful day where my mother will no longer ashamed of me, no longer ashamed of my marriage. There will be a beautiful day where I have a mother who will love me unconditionally like how other people mother love them..
BUT I know wish is just wish, I know this lifetime I don't have this blessing, I just never meant to have mother who love me like other people mother love them. I really admire all of those out there who have a mother love you unconditionally; I admire you so much, you just don't know how much I admire you.

Sweetheartyparty76 Fri 15-Jul-16 05:32:48

Terminating my much loved and wanted baby at 15.5 weeks after trying to conceive for 4 years. He was diagnosed with a fatal skeletal dysplasia and would not have survived past a day and I believe in great suffering.
It was a difficult decision but the right one and I have no regrets. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant following ivf and feel very lucky.

Fishface77 Fri 15-Jul-16 06:20:21

Thestairs, I can't see how you've been until oak when it's actually your mum who said she didn't want to see you again? You would have willingly and happily kept up the relationship with your parents but they chose not to. So that's their decision. flowers
Sweetheartparty flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now