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need advice please...

(14 Posts)
user1468521702 Thu 14-Jul-16 19:59:14

Hello i could really use some advice... my ex has just told me hes been in a year long relationship, this has come as a shock to me as me n him have been i a sexual relationship the whole time. I have also found out that he has been making my 5 year old lie to me for month about this woman being in her life. I didnt take any of this very well and i have asked for some time to get used to the whole thing before this women continues to be in both my childrens lives he has said no that im in the wrong for asking this of him n now he has decided he no longer wants to be in my kids lives and i dont know what to do for the best. hes saying its all my fault and i should just get over it but its really hurt me. im sorry for rambling its my first time posting. But i just need some help on figuring out what to do next and what am i supposed to tell my kids if he decides he doesnt want to see them anymore

MrsBertBibby Thu 14-Jul-16 20:04:14

Is he your children's father?

user1468521702 Thu 14-Jul-16 20:07:28

he is one of my childrens fathers but when we got togther he took on my oldest

Boolovessulley Thu 14-Jul-16 20:27:44

Why doesn't he want to be in the dcs lives any more?

user1468521702 Thu 14-Jul-16 20:37:42

I dont know, he said that making it work with his gf is more important

Resilience16 Thu 14-Jul-16 23:07:19

I'm a bit confused, so are you saying he is your ex but you still have sex? And he has been seeing someone else for the last year and making your 5year old lie about it? And now he wants to abandon his kid in favour if the new girlfriend?
What a mess. You sound like you would be better off without him.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 15-Jul-16 11:12:06

Why on earth have you been having sex with him.
Stop that right now.
Back right off.
Does he work for a living?
Does he pay child maintenance?
I would be letting his OW know about your sexual relationship.
Back it up with proof if you can.
What a scumbag he is.
Take the cake off of the table now and get on with your life.
Make sure he pays for his child though.
And make sure OW knows what a lying, cheating cock she has been saddled with.

smilingeyes11 Fri 15-Jul-16 12:19:43

I would say he is doing you a favour.

I would suggest STI testing too. And why is your self esteem so low that you tolerate this man in any way at all?

user1468521702 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:46:15

I went and got an STI test today just to make sure. I have told his girlfriend and she doesn't believe me, he can be very manipulative. I put up with him mostly for the girls but my self esteem has been knocked down a lot and a doubt myself a lot when it comes to him.
The cake is officially off the table, iv been so stupid and naive before but i cant keep doing this to myself and my girls. But what am i supposed to say to them about why hes not coming anymore? i don't want to hurt them

bluecashmere Fri 15-Jul-16 17:52:56

You aren't hurting them, he is! Definitely sounds like you are all better off without him.

user1468521702 Fri 15-Jul-16 18:23:33

I hope so, i just dont want to let them down

user1468521702 Fri 15-Jul-16 19:51:27

he has now decided he would like to see the girls, hes asked if he can have them for a few hours tomorrow but after everything hes done i don't know what to do for the best, i know it would just be easier to let him see them but he's caused so much hurt for myself and them in the last few days that i don't know what to tell him. I would rather he just not bother but i feel like it would be unfair on the girls for me to stop them.

bluecashmere Fri 15-Jul-16 20:08:11

He's still expects his cake then, even if sex is off the table. He can't have things all his own way. You need to come up with a formal agreement for contact and maintenance. It can't be as and when it suits him. Tell him it's not going to work at such short notice and that you need to make a plan which you both agree on. This might mean mediation if you can't agree between yourselves but if you start giving him contact at a certain frequency it will be really difficult legally to reduce this at a later stage so think it through.

user1468521702 Fri 15-Jul-16 20:20:26

Il see if i can talk it through with him before involving the girls and if he doesn't agree i will seek legal advice, thank you

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