I hope someone can shed some light on this matter as I am just feeling some what down, anxious and not myself. Oh god shoot me when you read this below!! ;-)
I have been with my partner just over a year, he is a tad older than me and treats me really well, nothing wrong in that area at all, he is a lovely genuine man who literally is a saint when it comes to doing things for me, is very thoughtful and is very loving, he just loves affection, cuddles and attention.
When we first met, he was all over me like a rash, he was also very intense and very full on sexually with me, which, I hasten to add felt it was too much and a little intimidating as well. I am not one to do huge displays of affection, however I liked the attention he was giving me. He admitted to being like that because he wanted to show me how much he wanted me and how much he desired me too and boy did I know it. I did tell him a few times to calm it down a little, but at the same time felt it was very loving, at one point I felt it was creepy and too much for me to bare, this was an odd feeling.
We actually split up about this at the start and I thought he was just after sex, which in actual fact he wasn't, he was just showing me his affectionate side and that he wasn't getting any sex from his ex for years so it was like he was making up for lost time and didnt want to lose this with me. That was his words.
I didnt sleep with him for a while as wanted to make sure I was ready etc etc so this worked out for both of us and he didnt push either, even though he was full on etc. So, when it came down to it, it felt odd. He was, lets just say, taking a long time and he couldn't climax at all, as he felt he was nervous and found it hard to relax, plus also I don't think porn helped and his hand came in too handy when he was single, this I soon realised when he told me.
So, it use to take hours, sometimes longer for him to climax but possibly as well only when I would give him a hand job would things be ok and he would finish otherwise it wasn't happening and I was terrible as I would feel bored. He would just want it 24/7 with me, but every time I thought we were having sex, he would just take ages and I then felt it was a chore of some kind. So at times I said no or would get angry, I was getting annoyed with this as we had a great relationship and feel he is just too intense in bed as well as suggesting things which I am not really into. I have tried it with him but its not happening, nor do I feel I want to do this anymore. It actually repulses me with him, which isn't like me. I cant go into detail but it wasn't sitting too well with me, it was more objects, toys etc.
I use to think my sex drive was quite high, well it certainly use to be, but since being with him it is actually getting worse and feel once we have sex he wants it again and again but I know it will take hours and I am bored, I feel its just too much to bare, like I am exhausted...So I just want it to not last too long, as I feel this intensity he has with me, he likes to feel all emotions, intensity etc, which is too much, I have explained this to him.
He also likes to kiss, cuddle and be affectionate whereas lately I am not feeling it at all.
We have a house together and we should ideally still be in our prime, but I sometimes dread going to bed and sometimes think, oh no its going to be too full on, intense and too long so I just cant think I can relax anymore because of what its been like from day one.
When we go days or a week without its ok, he doesnt take ages, but he does want it more, but because of the way he is, I feel we cant just do it everyday, or hour, which is something trust me I crave for us to be like.
My worry is my sex drive seems to be less and less, which I have never had issues with in the past, its actually making me feel quite low, its like I am suppressing the real me. When he kisses me I am not feeling it anymore, its actually worse by the time of the month....its awful in fact.
I am so worried in case it gets worse, when I don't give it to him after 3 days, he's in that shower, you know where I am going with this which I am not bothered about ,but for some reason I feel so pressured to be this perfect person in bed, but I feel intimidated by him and like I am not enough sexually for him. I have told him this and he says I am more than enough. He does satisfy me, he will do anything for me, but I wont for him as I find him just too much and takes it too seriously like he wants to feel every emotion under the sun, whereas I just want sex, and thats it really....gosh I sound awful don't I?
During the time of the month I tend to sleep alone in the spare room so I can be relaxed more, as I am really uptight and stressed then it goes away 2 days later.
I know moving in together kind of takes away the passion and the excitement, but also as we spend pretty much every weekend together, week nights and anytime we have outside of work after 7pm nights, I find I am bored at home and want to do things alone. I have also started to meet up with friends, do some new things and feel I am more stressed since moving into this new home as well. It has been a stressful move.
He doesnt have any friends to go out with, just likes to be with me at weekends and works pretty much 11 hour days in the week, so is knackered and watches tv when he gets in, whereas I work from home and like to do things on my laptop, study, courses, gym, dancing, see family, so I am concerned that perhaps I am bored just in general.
He is pretty down about this, I feel trapped and thinking with all my hobbies I may enjoy that life without him, I have noticed I am not enjoying doing the same things at night, or watching films, maybe twice a week but then I have other things I want to do and feel my business is slipping too as I tend to stop work at 7pm when really I want to continue. I don't want to be accommodating anymore just because he comes in at 7pm, I feel I want to do other things not stop what I am doing and be with him. I never did when we first met, as we only saw one another 2/3 times a week and werent living together, this suited me better as I had more freedom.
I sound awful don't I , but I am sorry about the long email, just trying to understand what is going on at the moment, sexually, mentally and emotionally...its been 2 months since we have moved house. I kind of wish he had a life outside of me, friends, hobbies without me, but he doesnt. So I feel like he is dependent on me for his happiness. I feel guilty too.
He mentioned if he starts playing golf, he will lose me and feels if I started playing tennis its unfair on him as its our time at weekends, but to me that sounds like he owns me. Also he mentioned he likes lie ins at the weekend, because he gets up at 6am every weekday, whereas I work from home and get up at 7am, I feel these lie ins are annoying me and frustrating me as i want to do other things...he likes his sex with me then and now I am saying no....It is like to me it feels scheduled, now I want to go to the gym and do things on my own....
he knows all this and its only been a year, we have known each other for a few years..
Am I real b*tch!!! I don't mind if you say yes....lol
He will just do anything for me, be there for me and tries to please me all the time, literally.....god I am so ungrateful, I don't want to take him for granted, but feel I am making him unhappy sexually and also emotionally too, like I have a life outside of him,
please help!!! xx
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Relationships
Not sure who I am anymore since being with my partner and moved house - I feel a real b*tch!
16 replies
littleme4055 · 08/07/2016 20:47
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