We have four children, the eldest (9) is my daughter from my previous marriage. With each subsequent baby, DP has taken a real back seat from 0-2 years often blaming it on breastfeeding. He's a bit better after 2, but generally is still incapable of doing much with the children.
I spoke to him after DC3 and said he needs to step up. After DC4 we had the same chat. He 'can't' take the children to school/bed, can't bath them, can't prepare their meals, can't feed them, can't/doesn't discipline them, can't handle more than one at a time, can't console them when upset and so on.
I told him he is lazy and leaving everything to me and that it isn't fair on me or the DC to have them rely on me for everything. I haven't been out without the DC for over 5 years because they hate staying with him and he can't put them to bed/console them if they wake. He apologised and said he would change and improve. He is on annual leave this week. Every day I have woken at 6.30, fed the baby, showered, made lunches, got the other DC up, ready, fed and distributed to schools and nursery and he's still in bed at 9.15 when I return home.
He does nothing around the house. If I leave the toddler with him he cries so DP just puts the tv on. I asked him to try bathing the three eldest last night while I fed the baby and did the ironing. There were tears within a minute, as there always are whenever I leave the dc with him. I heard him ask 9 yo to move over and she asked if she could just finish something (drawing with bath chalk) he said no, now and then physically removed her from the bath when she didn't comply. 2 yo refused to get out so he just walked out and left him after the water had gone down.
He's either on his phone or asleep within five minutes of me having taken all the DC to bed and I just feel like he's given up, in which case I don't know why he doesn't just leave. I told him last time that I'm at the end of my tether with him just being an ornament around the house but still he persists.
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Relationships
How many chances do you give them to change?
alificent · 07/07/2016 22:42
If you really want to give him 'another chance', start going off for a few hours at a time and leaving him with dcs. (Go for a haircut, or to do some shopping in your own.)
I know you feel he can't cope, but you need to put him in a situation where he has no choice.
What he does then will be an indication of what he is prepared to do - if he still doesn't step up, it's time for you to consider if he's you partner or just someone who wants to be with you, but is not bothered about your dcs.
He's an adult. He's perfectly capable of looking after his own children. Whether he does or not will tell you everything you need to know about whether the relationship is worth continuing.
Sorry. 
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He's not perfectly capable. Any time he has with them is filling time until I return without the dc crying or getting hurt; he doesn't seem to enjoy them at all. I don't trust his supervision of them and 9 yo and 5 yo say he's just rude and grumpy to them when I'm not there
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