Sorry it's so long. Were together six years. Not married, no kids - we were about to start TTC, thankfully hadn't yet.
Essentially we broke up when he came in one night after being out drinking all day and went off on one at me. It started because he had put a washing on before going out and I hadn't taken it out and hung it up.
Cue shouting at me why did I think I was better than doing this - repeated over and over because I just apologised and said I'd forgotten about it. He kept shouting that I had to answer him. I cried, that started the "stop playing the victim, why are you crying, this is your fault", etc. At one point he kept coming towards me although I was backing away and pushed me (lightly - not painfully) on the shoulders. It was scary though and at this point I was crying hysterically more or less and told him I had to get out of there.
He took my house keys. I pleaded and eventually he gave them back, I left and walked around for maybe 15 minutes or so trying to think of what to do. I saw he had texted me to please come home, then my phone cut out and I figured I didn't have much other choice as had no way of contacting anyone.
When I got back he was in bed so I went to lie down on the sofa, but he came through and just started shouting and swearing at me again. I can't remember all of the insults but the bit that's stuck in my mind was that I was a "self-serving cunt". He was asking me again and again why I thought it was ok to behave like this. I tried to ignore and tell him I wanted to go to sleep. My hands were covering my face as I was crying - he kept grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands away. Then he sat down beside me and was hitting me on the legs whenever I ignored him (again, not in a painful way but in the way a child would do if being ignored).
He then started shouting repeatedly at me that I had to leave and telling me I had to phone someone to come and pick me up there and then. I told him I would leave in the morning but it was after midnight and just to please leave me to sleep. He was saying as well that he was going to email my mum and tell her what I was really like. Eventually he gave up I guess and I went to sleep on the sofa, he went to bed.
In the morning I looked at my phone and saw the other texts he must have sent after my phone had cut out, which were quite unpleasant.
We talked, he didn't really apologise entirely but talked about how he is worried about his drinking and mental health. I don't think he remembered most of this happening so maybe that is why he seemed lacking in remorse, because he didn't realise the full extent.
Anyway, eventually, I told him I couldn't do this any more and asked him to leave, and he did. And that's it.
I realise it probably all seems extremely clear cut here and I am aware that this is not acceptable behaviour. But obviously I had thought about doing this so many times before and decided that the many good times outweighed the really horrible but infrequent ones. Now I am having a wobble and thinking that way again. He has been mostly very reasonable about the practical things, and fine with me staying in our home and keeping our cat which almost makes it harder - I can't reconcile it with the person who will shout and scream abuse in my face. It starts to feel like I imagined it or at least have exaggerated it in my head.
I'm not sure why I am posting, except that I have no one in real life who I would ever go into this much gruesome detail with. I think I need to record it somewhere for posterity, as well as someone to tell me I've made the right decision :(
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Split with partner a month ago, having a wobble :(
6 replies
milkywimpshake · 05/07/2016 23:28
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