Hello all, I write this post in the hope to search for answers. From the female perspective. I saw a similar sort of post I stumbled across and thought I would try.
Bascially, I am a 36 year old male, I have been married 16 years and together with my partner 17 years. I was married at 19 not long before I turned 20. My wife is 8 years older than me, so was 27 at the time we married.
No marriage is perfect and I was accepting of this, but I never suspected after 16 years of marriage it would come to all of this.
Bascially my wife started spending time with a male co-worker and exactly one month later she is leaving me. I suspected something was up shortly after she was seeing this male co-worker but she assured me nothing was wrong. Even when all the alarm bells were ringing, she assured me he was just a friend, there was no marriage problems and there was no one else. It all became too much so I decided to look on her phone, and sure enough was all the text messages of her telling him everything including she is leaving me for him. THat was the same very day I tried to open a conversation and she assured me I was just reading too much into things.
I confronted her and she admitted it. and basically he said they kissed 2 weeks ago, they have such a bond, there was no sex and she didn't want it until we "officially separated" and she was planning to tell me at some stage. I just couldn't believe in the space of 2 weeks she went from talking to this person, to a kiss, to full on leaving me and destroying a long term marriage, she assured me it was exactly that and again answered my question there was no sex. I crumbled into a heap and cried, she felt for me and asked if I would see marriage counselling to see if we can make things work. I said of course, I didn't even know there was a problem, and to this day she cant even tell me what the problems are.
I pushed for answers and she did end up giving me reasons on why she was unhappy, and they were all from long long ago and quite pathetic when I think of them. For example, she told me one time about 12 years ago she put on some lingerie and wanted sex, I apparently said I wasn't in the mood or interested at the time and she qualified this as a reason it was a marriage breaker by saying, "what male wouldn't want to have sex with their wife in sexy lingerie" and proceeded to tell me it made her feel like she was nothing and not important... I was in total shock and all her reasonings were like this, even when I replied so all the times over the years when you declined my sexual interests that meant it was ok and I shouldn't have those feelings in return?
Then came the rollercoaster, she wanted to make things work, then pushed me away, the whole time I said she couldn't have contact with the person she had the affair with, she kept contacting him, going to his place. I ended up giving her 5 chances and threatening to leave before she finally got it. And now we are 4 weeks past that, if I turned off my feelings and emotions things seem good, but I am so deeply hurt and I have no trust left. She wants time to work on the trust and I promised to give her the time, but whatever she says and does I just cant trust her. IU don't believe I was told the truth about the affair, as in how far it went etc, even when I showed her text messages that saif things specifically shes always got a story on how it was just hypothetical talk.
Shes now over the other guy and wants things to work for me, and this week I am mentally collapsing from the betrayel and she is 'worried' about me and what I am going through. I asked her what is it she thought I was going through and she says stress and anxiety, I asked her what she thought was causing it and her reply is 'everything that's going on'. Well DUH, anyone can answer that, but I don't think she really understands the lying and cheating is the issue, she seems to think that's in the past now and I should just be over it.
Ive reached the point I had to see a psychologist and doctor and I have been placed on medication, which has made me stable, only just started this in the last few days, and now the despair, confusioin and hurt is being replaced with frustration and anger and I am at the point I am ready to walk out.
We are going on a holiday in about 2 weeks, been booked for a while, we were also moving interstate in the next couple of months, also been in the planning for a while, which is why this makes it so hard to accept, I even asked her, we had all these plans??? why did you do this NOW!!?!? I can only think she was after a fling with a person she had a long time infatuation with and was hoping she could keep me in the dark. but she assures me she was ready to leave me.
I want to keep my mind in check to at least go on the holiday and then make a decision when I get back, but I am having trouble thinking I cam remain calm until then. Quite frankly ive reached the point if I walk out soon and it hurts her I don't care, I am not seeking a revenge, I have just given up all hope. I look at my wife and I see a dishonest lying terrible human being.
We have no kids, but a house, cars etc together and getting those issues fixed is another problem. I don't know how in her mind she expected to leave me and support herself. I have always been the person that has provided for us, carried her through everything financially. If she was to be on her own I know she would struggle. I asked her if she thought about this when she was having the affair, she said she was happy to be poor if it meant she would be happy. I said ok then, why didn't you tell me you wanted to leave me instead of having an affair and lying to me about it, it seems you wanted to have your fun while I still paid for everything, you wanted the comfort of a nice home, money in the bank, nice cars, getting your hair and nails done every 2 weeks to the cost of $300 and it was all for SOME OTHER GUY ??
I don't know what to do or think anymore. I just want to die so I don't have to face this trash heap they called life.
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9 replies
kenuxude · 01/07/2016 02:24
OP posts:
JessicaLuis232 ·
03/09/2016 08:18
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