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Need to vent.

(3 Posts)
HarmlessChap Sun 26-Jun-16 00:43:06

So at the start of the year after over 2 years without sex or any real physical intimacy I basically had a breakdown feeling totally rejected and unloved I laid my cards on the table and said this was make or break point. I got some counselling which helped and we established that part of the fault lay with my temper, which I knew and have actually had under control for almost a year now. Not a violent temper but I'd go off on one however it was partly due to feeling miserable because of the state of the marriage. She has admitted that she has a problem with showing intimacy, which is something which has been a problem throughout our marriage but is getting worse and worse.

To add into the mix I have ED so I use viagra which means I need an hour's notice and really shouldn't drink if there is to be "nookie" as the 2 counteract each other.

We've DTD twice so far this year, last time was a couple of months ago and last weekend I raised the possibility again was told nope accompanied by a look of panic, and a suggestion of maybe soon. Asked how she was feeling in the week, very tired OK fair enough. Left the ball in her court tonight, played taxi for DS while DW caught up on her telly. She likes to be asleep by 11 and by 9:30 there was no indication that she might be in a receptive mood so I get a beer. At 10pm, bearing in mind that the viagra wouldn't take effect properly before 11pm, she says ohh you've been drinking, never mind then I'm off to bed. Basically saying that its down to me that we won't DTD tonight and tomorrow I have a cycling event (I should be asleep by now really) so she knows that I won't be capable tomorrow night.

This on the back being pushed away this week whenever I wanted a cuddle because she had vital office gossip to disseminate or she had to get on because of X,Y or Z only to then spend half an hour on candy crush and she decided to cancel our weekly date night, go to bed early and binge watch a series on Netflix.

She's doesn't want me to leave, she says she loves me and I love her dearly but I'm finding this all so bloody hard and don't know what to do next.

Sorry just had to get this off my chest.

FolderReformedScruncher Sun 26-Jun-16 07:05:54

Firstly you can swear on here. You don't have to put Nookie if you mean have a shag, up for sex etc.
Secondly, I think the next sensible step for you is to talk to her to find out if she is genuinely avoiding sex . It sounds like she is tbh. A few sessions of counselling might help as often stuff comes out with a stranger present and you may get a clearer picture. She sounds like she would be happy with a sex free future and that may be as a result of your outbursts in the past. Have you ever actually apologised for them? It might help. Are you showing her affection in other ways? Doing your share of the donkey work, making her a brew, going out of your way to show you care will help. How old are you OP?

Dozer Sun 26-Jun-16 07:07:46

What do you mean "go off on one?"

It sounds like things are really bad in the relationship and you both might as well end it.

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