I feel so alone right now.

[coco1810]

Background: Been with my DP nearly twenty years, my first and only love. Two amazing DC. DP was assaulted at work two years ago had a break down with PTSD and had MH since then.

There are redundancies at the company I work for, I believed my job was safe (of sorts) but heard a rumour last night that I may have to change to a shift pattern that is just unworkable due to childcare. (I work nights, DP works days they might ask me to change to a start time before DP is home. Apparently, its take it or leave it).

All shift at work last night I wanted to cry at this news. I had all the worries of shit how do I pay mortgage, bills, Christmas, everything. All I wanted was to get home, tell DP and have him lie to me that everything was gonna be ok, we'd manage etc.

The problem is since his breakdown and his recovery from PTSD he can't cope with dealing with anyone else's worries. I know deep that its a symptom and that in the meantime he will return to the loving and supportive man that I know. But I have had to hold it all together this morning until everyone at school and work and now I am sat on the sofa sobbing at it all.

Not only am I worried about being out of a job but we still have mortgage arrears from when he was ill and we were surviving on my part time wage. I can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.

I don't have any real friends, just mom acquaintances who really only want to know the gossip about the redundancies not about offering a shoulder to cry on. My family are miles away and communications have to be instigated by me. My mil will just gloat as she works for a rival company not offer any support just like she did when DP was poorly. At his worst he was scared to leave the house, she moaned at the inconvenience of having to catch a bus home from work instead of DP picking her up.

I have to deal with solicitors today about a car crash we were in earlier this year which triggers my flashbacks and nightmares. DP doesn't know about those, only my GP and solicitor are aware. Also, I have to chase up GP on paperwork for injuries sustained. I'm ready to break. I can't though, my DC need my stability. DP's MH is hanging by a thread because of all the dealings with solicitors. Work was my sanctuary where for a few hours I could be me.. I don't know what to do or where to turn.

[DeathStare]

You have my sympathies. I wish I could say/do more.

[HumpMeBogart]

I'm not trying to minimise what you're going through - you're under a huge amount of stress and not having anyone close to talk to makes it worse. But if you could fix the childcare would that be enough to get you through, at least for now?

How many hours a day do you need? Is there any change that DP could change his shifts? Could you use your mum friends to get childminder recommendations - or even see if you could share with one of them to keep costs down?

It sounds like this news at work was the last straw, and I wonder if sorting this out will enable you to cope with everything else.